So I just dropped off Kevin at darts in Somerville after we worked the homework club. I don't have time to eat dinner in between working the Club and Homework Club so by now my stomach is making weird noises because I am so hungry. Its been a long day and I think I should just grab something quick. I'm right by Wellington Station so I can swing by Kelly's Roast Beef. Mmmm Kelly's. For those of you who don't know Kelly's is my weakness. Fried Clam plate w/onion rings or Kelly's Hot Dogs with ketchup and onions w/ a nicely toasted bun. I can feel my mouth watering as I approach the drive thru. I get up to the screen to order and something just snapped in my head....
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" I said outloud to myself as I slam my foot on my gas pedtal and get myself out of there as quick as I could. Four months in and the food cravings are just as bad as they were a year ago. God, I am so mad at myself. I am literally talking to myself the whole way home like a crazy woman.
"What were you thinking?"
"What is wrong with you?"
"I hate myself"
Yup, I hope someone out there is laughing because I would be if I didn't happen to be the crazy one.
This week has further driven the point home that I am without a doubt an emotional eater. I find comfort in food when I am having a hard time. As most of you know that I am having a really hard time right now by the blog entry of this morning. Its not just things with my friend, its alot of things that have left me an emotional wreck this week. Usually, I would go get Kelly's or Sonic or McDonalds or Burger King or Coldstone....the list could go on. I would eat the biggest, most unhealthy thing on the menu. After I would eat, I of course would feel lik crap but it was the food....its wasn't me. I don't know what to do with my emotions now that I can't eat them away. I can't run my feelings away. I end up running way faster than I want to and quit running. I guess walking isn't a bad idea either. I usually walk with someone but lately I want to walk late at night so I can't do that either. Its a weird feeling not being to get all my emotions out by ordering a super size number 2. What do I do? Does anyone have any suggestions?
As always I want to try to at least add a positive note to my blog. I can't do all bad/negative. I am down to 238 pounds. I am officially down 44 pounds. I have been so emotional that I was so scared to look at the scale. Thank god, I did. It gave me the light ray of hope I needed on Sunday morning. Its crazy to think in a few weeks I could be down 50 pounds. I think once I hit 50 pounds I am going to go out and celebrate with something big. Not like a dinner but maybe going to go climb Mt. Washington or something like that. I will take suggestions (and company with me when I do)
Dee, when I ran into you and Kevin walking on Mass Ave the other day, I could tell something was on your mind. You need to pat yourself on the shoulder more. After not having seen you for a little bit, I was amazed when I saw how much you've lost. You look fabulous and you are fabulous to begin with, so you need to flip the switch every time you feel down on yourself as a result of emotional eating. Many of us do it, myself included. My suggestion is this... It might sound weird, but it works for me: When I feel like I am about to binge eat or engage in emotional eating, I grab a safe food. I call a "safe" food something that I absolutely LOVE but isn't going to throw me off track. For me, that's Ande's mints. Instead of eating a half container of Brigham's ice cream with m&ms on top (lol), I will grab a few Ande's mints because it's enough taste to be considered a treat, but I don't feel like eating the whole box. Then, I am happy with myself afterwards. Anyways, that works for me! You are doing so well, Dee. Remember to reward yourself when you reach your goals. When you hit 50 lb loss, go get that hotdog. Make it a reward day, not a reward week. You go girl! <3 ya
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44 lbs thats so great dee!!! keep up the good work :) 50 is just around the corner!!!!
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