90 days to beautiful

I don't know when my obsession with weddings started.  I think I can blame it on my sister Christine.  I was the flower girl in her wedding when I was five years old.  She had this huge wedding with all our family, friends.  I remember staying up most of the night dancing the night away right along with the rest of my sisters and my dad.  She had this huge beautiful dress with a cascading bouquet of flowers that I swear went all the way to the ground.  Her dress had these enormous shoulders that puffed up as high as her cheekbones.  Long, lacy sleeves.  A skirt that flowed out like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty.  Looking back it reminds me of Princess Di's dress.  (Give her a break it was the 80's and certainly in style.)Being so young I can remember just being in awe of the way she looked and more importantly I was in awe of the entire wedding.  I knew than from that day on  that I wanted to have a day just like it. 

Flash forward 25 years later  and 25 weddings attended while dating Kevin,  I am planning my own special day.  As must of you know one of the most important moments is going to be stepping into that dress and turning around, seeing myself in that mirror for the first time.  I have envisioned the whole thing.  The people around me, the dress, the moment and its all coming so soon.  I am in a panic to think I am going to turn around and not like what I see: a woman standing there in the mirror who looks nothing like the woman I dreamed of 25 years ago. 

So I've set myself up with a 90 day deadline.  Yup I have given myself a deadline now.  In 90 days I am going try on dresses for the first time.  I have been to David's Bridal with the girls looking for dresses and each time I have made my way over to the wedding gown section and just looked.  The women that work there always ask...

 "Do you want to try something on?"

"No no no not yet!"  I say like its the worst thing they could have suggested to me.  Like they were handing me a bowl of Brussels sprouts.  I mean really most girls would jump at a chance to try on dresses. If you asked me five years ago I would have tackled someone to get to try on a dress.  Now its one of the scariest things I can imagine. But I gotta have faith that I'll make it through the next 90 days and reach another milestone.  Its gonna be hard.  Thanksgiving, my birthday, the holidays and the anniversary of my dad's passing.  Its going to be the hardest 90 days of this journey but I gotta strive, I gotta push and be that woman in the dreams of that wide eyed 5 year old Deanna. 

Update: I did loose 3lbs over the last week and half and I haven't done anything close to what I am capable of.  So move outta my way the pain train is pulling into a station near you! (So stupid but hey whatever works right?)