Forgiveness...

I broke down the other day and I gave in to eating a fried clam dinner.  I know I know I can hear you all gasping.  "How could you do that?" I did it.  I haven't been drinking as much water as I have been.  I am beating myself up it before I even know my weight for this week.  I wasn't going to write about it either but I felt that if I didn't than I would be lying to all of you and mostly myself. 

This feeling of guilt has been "weighing" me down all week so I took a drive to clear my mind.  While I was driving one of my favorite songs came on, "Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley.  I don't know why but I have been obsessed with this song at different points of my life.  Mostly, I played it when getting over (or trying to get over) a relationship.  So when it came on this time I was able to listen to the lyrics and they hit me in a totally new way....

"Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness..."

So at this point I am going to forgive myself for eating my emotions away.  I am going to forgive myself for getting so big.  I am going to forgive myself for everything! When you are going through a lifestyle change its easy to celebrate the success but its even more important to forgive yourself for the moments your where your will gets weak.  There are going to be many days that do that no matter how motivated you are.  You are going to look at yourself and wonder why do you even bother.  On those days, forgive yourself.  Just because you eat crappy, drink lots on the weekend doesn't mean that your entire goals are destroyed.  So you skipped a workout.  Get back to it.  Don't fall behind because if you allow yourself to you might not be able to pick yourself back up. 


Wedding
Its been a bad week with my mother planning.  Lots of tears and being upset.  If anyone has any advice about dealing with parents during this planning process, I would appreciate it!

Tomorrow is the biggest loser try out so I will keep you all posted.  I will take lots of pictures documenting the day!!!!