Pickles and Ice Cream

I have to say that when I heard stories of pregnant women having insane cravings like pickles with ice cream I used to laugh it off.  How could these women crave food like that? I laughed until it starting happening to me. 

I want:
 - McDonald's cheeseburgers
- sonic mozzarella sticks
-tavern nachos
- chicken nuggets
- Not Your Average Joe's bread and oil
- Texas roadhouse rolls and bread
- a large movie theater popcorn
- fried clams and onion rings from Kelly's
- AHOP pepperoni pizza
- buffalo chicken fingers from ANYWHERE
- big class of coke with lots of ice
- cherry limeade
- Verna's honey dipped donuts
- Boilmaker for Joe Sent me with french fries ( loads of ketchup and vinegar)
- cool ranch Doritos 
- Chinese food
- cold stone peanut butter perfection
- tavern cheese fries (just for you Amanda)

I could honestly sit here all night and just name off all the foods I am DYING to eat.  I know, I know everything in moderation but what I think alot of you don't understand is that when you are as big as I was/am the want for food can be dangerous.  I am scared that my success is teetering between eating the food I really want or staying healthy.  It really feels like I have to actively try with every meal, every second not to give in and eat crappy food.  Its been almost two months and this "journey" any easier then it did the first day.  Every day I struggle and almost everyday I succeed and I have to find the joy in those daily triumphs. 

Just this week there was a child who had their parent drop off Burger King to them for their lunch.  He sat down at the table with me and all I wanted to do is rip the bag out of his hands and chow down on his burger and fries.  The same happened when I walked by a McDonald's a few weeks ago.  I had to call Kevin and treat him like my food sponsor.  He had to talk me through the 12 steps of fast food cravings.  It kinda sad actually.  Everything that I am putting into my body I have to measure, add up and record.  How did I get to this point?

Its frustrating because I have to live with the fact that I did this to myself.  I ate as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted.  I don't think you understand how low you get until you are staring at a poor defenseless child thinking of the ways to distract him to steal his food.  Honest to god its that bad some days.  Thankfully, all the children made it through vacation week with their unhealthy meals in tact.

 I have been working through the cravings however by making amazing food.  Mostly found in the Biggest Loser Family Cook books.  Please share yummy recipes with me (and all the Members of Team Dee.) I might even share some myself!