Not my best week

I first want to thank everyone that has encouraged me over the past week.  It was so crazy to see how much love and support I have during this journey. 

Saturday
Andrea, Meri, Melissa came withe me as my support team.  Two other lovely ladies tried out along side of me (not sure if they want me to spread their information so there names have been left out.)  It was weird trying to find a "fat" outfit/pictures.  I don't know how many other people (women especially) go through the same trouble finding an outfit like I do. Its horrible everytime I have to go shopping for pants, shirts, dresses or anything I always leave feeling way worse about myself.  I can't remember the last time I bought an outfit that I said "WOW I feel amazing in this"  Maybe in a few more months I can go get a couple of outfits that I will get that "WOW" feeling in...
Anyways, we get to the audtions and we get moved right to the front of the line.  I felt the death stares from all the other people in line but I didn't care.  I was feeling confident and ready to nail this try out.  We then got split into groups of 8.  While we were standing in line we made friends with this one woman.  She was about 280 pounds currently and had this amazing story about how she had gasteric bypass surgery, lost 200 pounds and then gained it all back after the birth of her two kids.  She talked about how hard it was to loose her baby weight, shopping for clothes, how she felt about herself. She talked about how much she loved her two babies, how amazing they are and everything.  I mean after our ten minute converstation I had thought to myself not only will this chick get on the show BUT she'll win.
    We then got called into a room with two tables set up with a casting director at each table.  I go right in and sit directly next to the casting director.  Each person starts to tell their stories.  First guy, overweight, 40 never been married, father died early.  Second, a 20 year old kid who wants to be a photographer, works as a free lance photographer for some Boston magazine, wants his clients to take him seriously.  Then it was my new found friend's turn.  I was so waiting for her to sit there and wow this casting director as she had me ten minutes before in line.  She starts to tell her story but pauses, shakes her head and says
         "I am going to tell you why you want me on your show.  I am awesome and pretty.  I also have overcome so much in my life.  I watched my brother at the age of 5 be killed by my mother.  I then was adopted by my aunt who never wanted me or my other brother.  It was so bad that when I got adopted they gave me a doll and all I did was hit the baby because thats how I thought babies should be treated."
   I am pretty sure I lost the biggest loser try outs due to the face I was making at this chick.  The face I was making was somewhere between shock and confusion.  I couldn't believe the same woman in the hallway was telling THIS story.  She had totally turned into Cybil in front of my very eyes.  No way did I expect that story and from what I could tell from the casting director neither did she. 
    I was finally the last person to tell "my story" in a two minute span.  I couldn't believe that they wanted me to tell my story in less then 2 minutes.  While I was telling my story I felt confident.  People laughed when they were supposed to, shock their heads in agreement.  The casting director asked me questions which she hadn't really done to anyone else. I was pretty sure I nailed that interview.  When I was done the casting director looked at all of us and said thank you.  We'll be making phone calls tonight.  If you don't hear from us by 10pm then we're sorry you aren't going to be cast but please feel free to make a home video.  There have been lots of people who have been cast after they didn't make the open casting call. 
    I was floating by the time I got out of that interview.  I knew there was no way that they wouldn't pick me.  I was so over confident that I should have known right there that I was doomed.  When I got out of the interview I was telling my cheerleaders about how cute one of the other guys was in our casting and how perfect he would be for Erin.  The cheerleaders then convience me that I should run back and tell him about Erin, get his phone number, pass it on to Erin and they would live happily ever after.  This next part I am not proud of all.  I ran back up the stairs to find that he was gone.  I said to Andrea that I am glad we ran to go find him and if it was meant to be, then he would have been there.  Our group then took the stairs instead of the elevator to the lobby.  When we got to the lobby I found the "cute guy" standing there with his sister. 
Serendipity? I thought so.  So I went up to him and started a converstation about his interview and then threw in the facts about my amazing single best friend that wasn't there with me.  He told me to have her look him up on facebook.  We are now waiting to see if this crazy idea worked. 

Anways long story short I waited and waited but the phone did not ring.  Which is okay, kinda.  I was just caught up in this how weight lose, blog gaining popularity and this grand idea of everything falling into place.  I just thought once I was going to have a plan and it was going to happen the way it was supposed to happen.  Wanting something was finally going to be enough.  Man, even typing that story out I can feel how pathetic I felt in that moment. 

I have had a pitty party for most of the weekend especially after I gained 2 pounds as well.  Today my massage got canceled ten minutes before I was leaving to go get it and I lost the 10,000 raffle by THREE numbers.

This wasn't the weekend of dreams but hey at least I can start all over tomorrow.  Good night blog world.