Slow and steady wins the race

Four months ago I couldn't walk up the stairs without getting winded.  I couldn't button my jeans without two or three attempts.  Dress shopping was a nightmare.  Health wise I was at the bottom of the barrel. 

Its hard to look at yourself at that point and say "How much further down do you want go?" But like I have said time and time again there was a moment where I just couldn't take it anymore.  It was time to get healthy and I think I am well on my way to getting there.

 I didn't win the race but I finished it in 32:21.  I finished 137 out of 170.  There were six years olds that beat me.  I wanted to run it under 30 minutes but I just couldn't do it. I am trying to be okay with the fact that I didn't hit my mark.  I even owe my co worker a lunch because I didn't run the whole time.  I walked twice for about a minute each time and I can say with confidence that is why I didn't hit my 30 minute mark.  I also let myself get really busy the last two weeks leading up to the race and didn't stick to my workout like I should have.  I tried to stay up with my friends who were running in the race as well and I couldn't do it.  There are alot of things I would do differently now looking back at it...

BLAH!!!!

Are you all done with reading this pity party as I am done writing it?  I don't really care if people thought my time was slow or I walked for a minute or two.  I don't really care that there were people who ran it about 15 minutes faster than me. So what? I did it.  I ran a road race.  Something so small but just four months ago was impossible.  There are so many things that people who are not over weight or who are in great shape take for granted.  I can't do that anymore.  Each new thing that I accomplish is just another that I wouldn't have been able to months ago.  This whole transformation or journey has been hard.  I am just now starting to see the results of my work.  Pant fit much better, people are saying how great I look, stairs aren't as bad...As amazing as it all is I know that the journey is not anywhere close to being finished.  If I were to compare it to a marathon I am about 1/4 of the way in with the finish line nowhere close.  I am not completely sure how I feel about it either.  I am scared that I can't keep it up.  I am confident that since I have gone this far, I can go the distance.  There is a lot I don't know yet.  Time will tell just how far this journey will go.

I do know that I am not doing this alone.  I have the most incredible support group made up of my future husband, family, friends and followers of my blog.  I received so many sweet and thoughtful messages before and after the race.  I never thought that people would care as much as they did about my journey but they do.  I can't believe the people who came out to race with me.  They all knew that I may not be able to keep up with them but it was important to me enough to me that they doing it with me.  Jillian and her husband drove up from the Cape just for the race.  Vicki, her girlfriend and a two friends ran in the race and then headed up to participate in the bike ride part of thethe Epic Man challenge (Participants start off the coast of Maine, kayak to New Hampshire, then bike ride to the start of the Marathon from New Hampshire and then run the Boston Marathon. INSANE) Kenny ran the race and finished just shy of 20 minutes.  He was even mad at himself that he didn't know that he was that close to the finish and would have pushed himself more if he had even known the finish line was as close as it was.  And finally Chris Lopes (court's husband) ran the race on no sleep because he was on call ALL night.  INCREDIBLE! They are truly incredible people.  *A special thanks to Ali Fornash who was supposed to run the race but day of could not make it.  Her own journey of racing, eating healthy and blogging has been such an inspiration to me that I know that she would have been there if she could.*




Then there was the ones that stood at the finish line.  The roar of the my own personal crowd as I crossed the finish line was incredible. 

I am so lucky to have these people in my life.  To them this road race wasn't something they HAD to go to, they all wanted to be there.  Geraldine even came to the race with my bucket list on a big poster board so I could check off "run a road race" off my list.   They have been the ones (well not the only ones.  "Team Dee" has many members) asking about the weight loss, going for runs/walks with me, calling me on Sunday mornings to get my weigh ins, cheering me along, going with me to Bigges Loser Tryouts, wedding appointments, wedding shows...EVERYTHING. You need supportive people like this in your life.  The type of people who go out of their way for you just because they know when they need it, you'll do the same.  These types of friends/family are hard to find but so important to have.  Success is is still a success but not as sweet when its not shared with the ones that get you there.

So a big "Yessah Buddy Boy" to me as I cross something off my list and continue on to the finish line of the Skinny Bride journey.

Buckets for Joe

I wrote the following Note on facebook about two weeks after my dad died and I thought I would share it with all of you. 

(February 20, 2010)
Hi all,
I first want to thank you all for being for me during the worst time in my life. Its been so overwhelming the amount of support you have all showed me. My father lived every day to the fullest and died with no regrets. I am inspired by his life and want to share that inspiration with you all.

I want you to start your own "Bucket List" (the list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket.) So I ask you to start your own Bucket List and share it with friends, Family, co-workers, whoever you feel would be a great support for you. Have a Bucket Party....have everyone in your support group in one place. This could be something so powerful.

From some of us 09' and 10' has been an amazing year(s) for some us they have been the worst on record. Why not continue the good and change the bad. Half of the reason why we don't finish things on our list is cause we don't say them out loud or take the time out of our lives to really pay attention to the things we really want.

I was talking to a woman today who said her father in law spent his whole life working and right before he retired he bought a RV to take trips in. He was supposed to retire on a Friday and start his new life but died on a Monday. I don't want to be this gentleman and neither do you.

So I ask you to start your own Bucket List and share it with friends, Family, co-workers, whoever you feel would be a great support for you.

Help me turn something so awful into something positive and help the memory/life of my father live on.

Pass this on

So here goes...

Go to New York City in all four seasons
own a brand new car
Get married
own a German Shepard
Go to key west
go to a red sox vs. yankee game
Run a road race
get a talent that I could use in a talent show
be in a hall of fame
help 100 kids get into college
be able to chug a beer
watch a baby being born
be a godmother
get another tattoo
go white water rafting
Drink around the world in epcot
Get on Tv with a Rem Dawg sign
Go to Vegas
Turn 30 gracefully
Drink in the same pub my dad and Eddie did in Ireland and left his patch
Drink a really expensive drink at the Ritz in Naples Florida
Dip my toes in the pacific ocean
be able to change a diaper without almost getting sick
have children
Catch the big one on Mel's trip
live by the ocean
watch a beautiful sunrise/sunset
Do my 15th year at Relay for Life
Drive on Rt 66
Go to Hershey Park
See the Grand Canyon
Have a picnic in the same park as The Tanner Family in the Opening of Full House
Go to the Olympics
meet a president
run the Disney half marathon
loose 100 pounds
learn another language
Go to the Rock and Roll hall of fame
See the falls
Catch a few beads down at Mardi Gras
Go to Alaska
own a home
look fabulous in a wedding dress
Ride the Frisbee at Canobie Lake Park
Ride all the rides at Six Flags
Get a green light on the harry potter ride
drive my own jet ski or snow mobile at a normal speed
Never be too busy to go on a Nardone Adventure
get over my fear of heights
climb at least 1 major mountain in each New England State
go on a family vacation with ALL my sisters.....
have all my sisters/friends stop smoking
go somewhere that has a lazy river where I can drink
Do the Cliff walk in Newport in RI and Maine
get engaged with the perfect story (As I re-read to Kevin he said CHECK)
(SO MUCH MORE)

I am sad to report that I haven't done much off my list of things to do in my life.  As motivated as I was when I first wrote that note, I somehow lost steam behind it.  I need to more than ever start crossing this stuff off my list off my bucket list.  So I am throwing out a challenge to all my followers...help me cross something off my list.  I am serious.  If you can't help me cross things off my list, make your own list and share it with someone else.  I think if we all took a minute and really thought about what we want to do with our lives and actually went out and did it, the world could be a better place.  Corny? Yes! If it wasn't corny, it wouldn't be my style.

I hopefully will finish the race Sunday and get to say check one more thing....can you say the same?

The things they don't tell you in sex ed

I can remember sitting in Mrs.Mahoney's Health class dreading the end of her class when she would pull out her famous "Sex bag."  For those of you who don't know the "Sex Bag" was this little maroon velvet bag that had gold glitter gender symbols glued on it.  She would hand mus each a slip of paper and you either had to write no question 3x or write down a question you were too scared to ask in front of everyone.  I ,of course, always wrote no question in fear she would recognize my handwritting.  However, there was always that one classmate that would write about the size of his you know what.  Ex.  "What should I do if my "friend" is so big it needs its own zip code?"  Mrs.Mahoney would do her best to keep a straight face because any question that was in the sex bag had to be treated with respect and dignity. 

     Lately, I have been wondering what I would write if I could go back and write down questions that I have NOW in my life because I feel like we didn't cover major sections in her class.  We were taught so many lessons on how not to get pregnant, safe sex and the old warnings it "only takes one time" but where were the REAL lessons? The ones that we would really need in life.  You know the one that tells you thats its okay to be freaked out about having children. Or when you're ready you may not get pregnant.  Or how to express how happy you are for someone via their facebook status.  Or you might get pregnant but hold off until you get excited because you may lose that baby.  Or how do you deal with watching your friends have babies while you sit back and hope that the very next baby shower will be yours.  Or how do you comfort one of your best friends as she is telling you that she was pregnant and now she's not. Or how about being so excited and so scared for another friend who wasn't so ready to have a baby but you know that she is going to be a perfect mother.  Or stepping up to show someone that he may not be there but you always will.  Or you your heart breaks for one of your oldest friends because you know how badly he wants to be a dad and it just hasn't happened yet. Or how to hold yourself together as someone who has always been there for you asks you to her labor coach.  Or becoming a puddle when you hear heart beat of your soon to be "nephew" in a stuffed bear next to a picture of him in his new nursery.
   We don't get those lessons in middle school or high school health class.  Life doesn't hand us a maroon bag and say here ask any question and I'll give you an answer.  I kinda wish it did.  Life is funny in that way.  You learn so much more AFTER you go throw something than when you're actually going thru it. Life gives us the answers we are searching for much MUCH later.  Recently, I've watched so many of my friends go thru the struggle of trying to have children that it scares me to think that it could be hard for Kevin and I some day.  I wish I could get that slip of paper and just ask "Why does that happen?" And Mrs.Mahoney give me the right answer. 
     I also feel for the women I know who are pregnant and feel like they can't be excited because they know that someone close to them heart is breaking for a child.  These women in my life need to realize how caring and selfless they are.  Of course your heart breaks for the ones who are trying but don't let that take away from your own joy.  Its amazing to hear these women say how much they care about a friends feelings way beyond their own. Then again the same can be said to the friends that smile, hug and congratulate the ones that were blessed before them.  That kind of selfless love is the reason why I know ALL of these special ladies in my life will make the most amazing mothers and the men that stand beside all of them will make fantastic dads. 

I am so blessed to have so many of those caring women in my life and so thankful that they allow me to go along with them during their own journeys.  So to the soon to be, recently became, has been for quite some time, hope to be mothers out there...I hope that you know I have nothing but the up most respect for you all you for showing the world what true love and strength look like.

 And remember when your child does go to get married go easy on them...

I gotta feeling...

I don't know where to even start its been that long....

Good News

- I have lost 40lbs
- We booked a photographer
- We booked our video person
- We booked our Church
-We booked our bag piper
-And last night I think we found our caterer.

 YESSAH BUDDY BOY!!!!!

Last Sunday I got up and weighed myself and I lost the 40lbs.  40lbs! I weigh 241lbs.  I can't believe not that long ago I was 282 pounds and miserable. This is the amount of weight that I feel like its a huge victory.  I feel great! I can walk up to the gym at the Club and not be winded.  I can run up and down a soccer field and I don't want to die.  My clothes are not fitting in a good way! I can't wait to go shopping and get some cute spring outfits! This is fantastic!!!

So I took that as a sign that I should just stop second guessing my choices for the wedding.  I knew that I wanted my dj's company to do the video.  Kevin and I looked at each other and said let's do it.  When I contacted my Dj not only did he let me book the video BUTTTTT we booked a 1400 package for 50% off! We get all these extras for the price that we feel VERY comfortable at.  

We took that great feeling and said lets just book the photographer as well.  We went with a great guy who actually does Brooksby weddings ALL the time.  The Brooksby wedding coordinator thought so highly of him that her niece used him for her wedding.  When you pull up the Peabody Historical Society website for Brooksby, its his pictures that come up.  I guess you could say he helped make me fall in love with Brooksby in the first place.  His package includes our album, two parent albums, free engagement photo session AND a second shooter for a price that we were getting quoted for just a photographer. 

The bag piper was a no brainer.  He was the bag piper from the first wedding expo we went to.  For those of you who don't know the story, he is a retired Cambridge Police Officer.  He actually knew my dad pretty well.  He wears the traditional outfit for a piper as well as his Cambridge Police Badge.  We just felt like it was another small touch to include my father in the day.  

Finally we met with Father Flatley on Thursday.  Kevin called Father Flatley on Wednesday and we had our meeting Thursday night.  I just felt sick to my stomach with nerves.  I knew how important this meeting was to my mother and the rest of my family.  I was pop quizzing Kevin on his "catholic" answers such as "Do you want to raise your children Catholic?" and the response was supposed to be "Of course!" He kept answering me all different ways which didn't help my nerves.  When Father Flatley came he started with

"How did you two meet?"  Wonderful! Kevin and I both fumbled over the right way to say bar to a priest.   I eventually managed to spit the word bar out to the priest.  In my head I was thinking, strike 1.

"Who proposed?" I was kinda caught of guard by that question but this was an easy one.  I went very quickly into the story of our fairy tale engagement.  Phewww that puts us back on top. 

Then he dropped the question that I never thought no one has asked us

"Did you ask her father?" Tears started to well up in my eyes so Kevin took this one.  He told the priest how he went into my father's hospital room the last day he was conscience and asked for my hand in marriage.  It was the last convo the two of them would ever have.  It was so important to me that Kevin went and did that  and I couldn't believe the priest asked that of all questions. 

Father Flatley quickly changed the subject and went on to talk to Kevin mostly about where he was from and they figured out that his first assignment was at the same church that Kevin's older sisters/brothers went to. Father Flatley also grew up in Brookline (the town that he delivers mail in.)  The two of them were best friends that night.  I barey got to speak.  When I did speak I made sure I dropped the "I work at the Boys & Girls Club"
"Oh we went to Shelia Meloy's wedding"
 "we work with Peggy Regan"
"Michelle Tibbets and her husband really loved the wedding music coordinator"  etc.  I was a name dropping son of a gun!  He was so great to meet with and totally made me feel at ease.  He put us right in the book. 

I feel great and stress free as of this week!!!

Inspiration by Fed Ex

Tuesday was Kevin's day off for the week so we got to share in a rare morning together before I had to go to work when the door bell rang.  I looked at him and said "Are you going to get it?" He gave me the typical 'Dee just asked me to do something I don't want to do but I will do it because its way worse for myself when I don't do it' faces.  I just smile at this point.  He has to realize that for the rest of his life there are going to be many more moments like this....get used to it.

Anyways, he came back in the house all huffy puffy.  Waving his arms around, kinda acting nuts.  I usually ignore this behavior but I was trying to catch the last of Teen Mom 2 so I finally gave in and said "whats your problem" 

"Fed-Ex Dee! FED-EX.  My future wife orders things offline and ships it thru FED-EX" 

"I didn't order anything, I swear"

"Then why does it have your name on it? I work for the USPS and they are cutting jobs left and right and you ship something FED- EX and lie." 

"Babe I swear I didn't order a damn thing. It must be from a wedding vendor.  Give it to me and I will open it."

I opened the package and inside was something that just took me back.  It was a maroon binder filled with recipes.  I mean there are over 100+ in there.  They were also separated into selections like chicken, beef, desserts, etc.  Tucked inside the flap was this amazing poem and I thought I would share it with all my followers. 

Don't Ever Quit

When you've eaten too much and you're feeling quite down,

And you feel like the biggest failure in town.

When you want to give up just because you gave in,

And forget all about being healthy and thin.

So WHAT! You went over your calories a bit,

Its your next move that counts....so don't you dare quit.

Its a moment of truth.  It's an attitude change.

It's learning the skills to get back to your range.

It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now.

You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow"

It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal

You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.

To stumble and fall is not a disgrace,

If you summon the will to get back in the race

But often in the struggles, when losing their grip.

Just throw in the towel and continue to slip.

And learn too late when the damage is done,

The race wasn't over...they still could have won.

Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow

But facing each challenge will help you grow.

Success is failure turned inside out.

The silver tint in a cloud of doubt.

When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit.

If you bite it, you write it...BUT DON'T YOU DARE QUIT!"

-unknown author.

Below the poem was a sweet message full of inspirational quotes about why I should keep going with their name.  I looked and it was from a former teammate/friend from high school.  I couldn't believe how much work she had done to prepare that and send it to me.  She had reached out before when I first started my blog and she told me about her own struggle.  Her honesty was inspiring.  I always relate weight issues with someone my size up until this point.  She pointed out to me that she too had trouble loosing weight before her wedding and had a very hard time.  It was so encouraging to hear her story.  It was even more meaningful when she sent me her binder full of recipes that helped her get ready for her wedding.  She even went and printed more recipes.  (I could tell from the time stamp on the bottom of some of these recipes)

Its funny because the day before I received my own inspiration,  I had sent my own sort of inspiration to one of my best friends via the mail.  She doesn't live very close and is going thru some personal struggles as well.  I sent her something to cheer her up, watch over her and to let her know that I was thinking of her even though she is so far away.  I can't tell you what a boost it was to know that I had helped her smile and that the very next day someone did that for me. 

I am asking everyone to do something this weekend for someone else. Random Act of Kindness.  Send a letter, make a phone call, send a text, drop off something special to their work, go for a walk with an old friend, etc.  Do it for someone that may need it.  You never know how that little act could change their life for the better. Copy and Paste the poem and send it to someone who may need it.  I know that I did. 

 JUST DO IT!!!!

and for the love of god, if you are sending someone something, please send it via United States Postal Services so that my future hubby doesn't have a melt down again. 

SHIP IT!

Bridezilla

Now I would just like to start this blog by saying I am NOT even close to becoming Bridezilla HOWEVER there are thing with this whole wedding process that are really starting to get me mad.

Caterers
     I don't understand why caterers are so difficult to work with. I am only allowed to pick from five caterers at our venue. We can't bring in anyone else, we've asked.  I think the caterers know that so when they don't get back to me for a week at a time, they think its okay.  I just want to try your damn beef option to figure out if you are the one I want to work with.  I mean I would think they would be jumping at the chance to work with brides.  We are giving them a HUGE amount of money.  I honestly want to feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when I walk into these meetings.  You know the part I am talking about.  She is shopping and has all the women attending to her every need because "Edward" and the store managers convo:
Mr. Hollister: Just how obscene an amount of cash are we talking about here? Profane or really offensive?
Edward Lewis: Really offensive.
Catering companies I am prepared to spend a really offensive amount of money. 

I guess when I say offensive its more offensive to me.  $45 a plate for chicken? Give me a break. The cost of chicken normally and the cost of chicken at a wedding is ridiculous.  I want to punch these people in the face when they look at me straight in the face and try to justify it being a normal price.  Its normal to all you caterers who like to make us poor. Its not normal for the rest of the world.  Anyways, they should be calling/emailing me back right away.  I deserve to be "Viv", dont' I?

Church
I have three choices for church.  St. Clements (my aunts church) Sacred Heart in Cambridge (my father's church) or St Agnes ( Arlington Church)  I thought I should get married at St Agnes merely because kids from the Club can go with their parents to the church.  So many of my kids have asked if they could come to the wedding so I said they could come to the church. So I called the Priest about two weeks ago and I haven't heard back from him. I am going to call the Priest again but I hate the fact that I am nervous about doing so.  My friend Shelia's mom has been so encouraging and telling me I just need to relax about calling the priest.  I know I should just relax but I know how important it is to my mother and that if I screw this up I will never hear the end of it. 

Wedding List
I am having huge guilt over the amount of people I can have at the wedding, who is going to make the final list and the hurt feelings that are going to come when we do make our final selections.  I have to get my list down because of the stupid caterers.  I just don't have the money to invite all the people I want.  In the same sense I really feel like I shouldn't have to invite some of the people on my "have to invite"list either.  I really don't want to invite the people in my family that I know could careless if they are there or not.  The ones that feel like I should go cause its "Joe's Daughter."  I don't know its frustrating and I am sure I am not the only bride who has gone thru this and I won't be the last.

I haven't flipped out and killed anyone yet which I think is impressive.  I keep telling myself that I will not become Bridezilla, I will not become Bridezilla...I hope it works. 

First outdoor run and random thoughts

So Tuesday morning I went for my first run outside.  I don't know if I would call it a fail but I wouldn't call it my best run ever.  I learned the hard way that the treadmill and outdoor runs are two COMPLETELY different runs.  There are so many different factors that went into why I wasn't as successful as I hoped. 

1) Its cold outside.
       My lungs don't do well in cold weather, never have and hopefully someday they will.

2) The ground is uneven.
       Especially after the long winter the sidewalk isn't clear yet.  Beware of branches and potholes.

3) I didn't map out a route
      Before leaving for a run, know where you are going.  This can help set goals along the way such as once you make it to (insert spot here) you can turn around.

I would appreciate any helpful hints from any runners out there!!!

I highly recommend moving to Naples, Florida with my friend Lisa.  She strongly encourages running outdoors with the beautiful outdoor weather.  I think she may even by the beach.  I hate her right now.  I am kinda serious.  I am sick of the cold and I am ready for spring? Anyone else agree?

A few side notes:

I am cooked dinner for Meri, Andrea, Auntie Colleen and AnneMarie tonight.  I made enough chicken for five people.  Does anyone see where I went wrong yet?  I didn't cook for myself.  I am trying so hard with this whole cooking thing but keep making dumb little mistakes like that.  Is there any other Italians out there that can't cook like me?? I had a boyfriend once tell me that he was so lucky to find the ONLY Italian out there that didn't know how to cook.  Its true HOWEVER I have been trying really hard to learn how to cook and to cook healthy.  My sister and brother in law keep asking when they are going to be invited over but I am too nervous to invite them over yet.  I know I will make another major screw up and they will never let me live it down.

I started a walking club with the kids at work.  I was so sick of sitting there every afternoon BEGGING kids to go up to the gym.  Do kids really go outside anymore? We used to run around the neighbor playing for hours.  My mother had to get one of those Triangles (dinner bell) to call us in for dinner because she didn't want to yell through the neighborhood when it was getting dark out.  Anyways, the kids seem to like it and it gives me another mini work out

I have changed the settings on the blog so that ANYONE can leave a comment.  I didn't realize that I had set it up wrong up until five minutes ago so everyone that keeps telling me that they try to leave comments on the blog, you can now without setting up a blogger account!!! And when leaving comments, can you post your name so that I recognize it? Like my friend Katie or Allison? I love your comments but have alot of Katie's and Allison's in my life.  I can kinda guess who it is but it would help me out!!!

Well enough with my random blog.  Happy Thursday everyone!!!