What would you do with 12 days?

Its 2012! Shall I say Its FINALLY 2012! (Insert happy dance here) I am getting married this year! I am buying my wedding dress this year.  I am going to be an O'Neil this year! This has been the year of my life that I have been waiting for what feels like forever.  I am so happy, excited and hopeful as this new year starts! I think its put a little extra pep in my step.  I was very bubbly at bootcamp this morning and I am hoping this go lucky feeling stays with me as I go back to work today after a little break over the December holiday vacation time. 

I read something very interesting on Jillian Michaels Facebook page that I thoughtI would share with my followers.  Jillian said that "the first 12 days of the new year set a tone for the rest of the year so start making the changes that you need to make today."  It sounds simple buts its true.  Its easy to start making these changes.  Go to the gym. Eat better. Blah blah, right? I know there are tons of people out there that say they are going to make changes and they do right up until February.  Thats when they say people quit their New Year resolutions.  So here is my challenge stop making or calling it a New Year Resolution(s)...You are making a lifestyle change.  You are starting your own journey.  You are making a better you today so tomorrow will be better. 

I want anyone who reads this to think of a lifestyle change or a goal for 2012...write it down. I  don't care if it has nothing to do with working out, loosing weight.  You have to have a goal that you can obtain by the end of 2012.  Maybe pay off a school loan.  Maybe to try to have a better relationship with your family/friends/husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.  Maybe its to go somewhere new.  Make a plan.  WRITE IT DOWN.  Why do you think I blog? I blog to keep me focused on my goal.  It keeps me grounded and accountable.  Accountability is huge when goal setting.  Make sure other people know about your goal(s).  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Other people knowing what you are trying to do will help you when you loose your way because you will.  At some point you'll hit a roadblock, you'll want to quit.  Building a support team behind you will not only help but it will guarantee success. 

My goals for 2012:
- I want to drink 80oz of water a day for a whole month
- I want to run St. Patty's day 5k in Somerville
- I want to to beat my time and run the entire time during the Patriots day road race
- I want to have to buy new bathing suits by the summertime
- I want to have really defined arms on my wedding dress
- I want to like steam broccoli
-I want to hike Mt.Washington
- I want to pass the lifeguard test at the club
- I want to see my weight in the 100's
- I want to take Kevin's breathe away when he sees me walking down the aisle. 

I am going to take these first 12 days of the year and set myself up to succeed.  What are you going to do with these 12 days????

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time...

I read this quote this last night on an article from Active.com and it took a few minutes for me to get it.  How do you eat an elephant...one bite at a time.  Wait for it....OHHHHHHH yea.  I think I have been looking at this whole journey all wrong.  I have been trying to "eat the elephant all in one bite" and not taking everything one step at a time.  I've been trying to overhaul my life and change everything in.  My diet, my workout, my schedule, work, etc.  It is all too much to change at once and anyone that thinks that they can do that is crazy.  Changing the little things in your life will give results that you need.  For example a few weeks ago I ordered a smaller pair of jeans for the first time with a gift card I got for my birthday. I was worried that they wouldn't fit.  I put them on not only did they fit they were a little loose! Over the last month I have been going to the bootcamp and I haven't dropped huge numbers on the scale (6lbs to be exact) BUTTTTTT I am know fitting into smaller jeans again.  So while its not the elephant its certainly a big bite out of it!


On a side note Mother I am eating better so at Christmas Eve when I have an extra bit of fill in the blank  with random yummy food, I have earned it and I don't want to hear a word about it.  

Everyone else please have a Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Year.

Crushing it!

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. 5:30am. Snooze button. BEEP BEEP BEEP snooze button.  BEEP BEEP BEEP. Kevin shaking my shoulders "Babe its time to get up!" Ugh. Kevin walks out of the room and leaves the light on so I have to get up.  I hate him this early in the morning.  I throw on my workout clothes.  Splash water on my face and put my hair into this mess of a bun onto of my head.  I look at myself in the mirror and say to myself "Why do you need to get up this early?"
    I arrive at bootcamp and there is Matt ready and pumped up to go.  How does he have this much energy this early.  He tells me he gets there at 5:15am to set up for our 6am class and I know he's not kidding.  He is the type of trainer that gets excited about crazy things like burpies and throwing medicine balls against walls.  I feel the more I groan about something, the more he likes it.  So I've learned to not groan as much.  He gets the class going by pure motivation and very often he uses the phases "Crush it" I laughed at him the first time i heard it.  Crush it! Just sounds so California surfer but I've grown to really like it - CRUSH IT.  I've taken the phrase on as a personal morning mantra. I need to push myself.  I have gone to bootcamp two weeks in a row and I am down 5lbs.  I am eating healthy again.  I drink more water.  I am going to hit my goals and I am going to crush my weight.  I'm still not back to my weight I was before I gave up on my journey but I'll get there. 
     As much as I hate mornings I feel so much better for getting it out of the way. Its 730am and I have already drank one of my 32oz of water, worked out and had the most fabulous breakfast.  (By the way Yo plait makes a pre-made smoothie now that you just have to add milk and blend. FAN FREAKING TASTIC) But I have already crushed it for the day while most people have gotten up and just gone to work.  So as much as I hate mornings.  I hate where my body is at more.  And that is going to be what makes me crush it until I am back to Dee. 

The Christmas Spirit

Tis the season...right? It starts in October with the first radio station to give up their airways to the 24 hours of Christmas music.  Then the ads and coupons start pouring in.  Thanksgiving comes with many thanks and then its time to getting ready for the early morning shopping.  Then it comes so quickly but there are cars with trees strapped to the top of them driving past. Christmas party invites come fast and furious.  People's houses are lit up by lights and lawn ornaments.  Every day there is a new card in the mail from a loved one.  All of a sudden its Christmas. 
     For me, its hard time of year.  I do my part by going to the parties, smiling, shopping, the works but deep down there is a bit of sadness that comes with this season.  Almost nine years ago I lost my grandfather two days before Christmas.  He was sick for quite sometime.  I was in college at the time and never knew how bad he was getting.  I was lucky enough to be home from college in time for me to say goodbye.  At the same time that year, my dad was in the hospital.  He was so sad being in the hospital for the holidays.  So my sister Melissa and I took fake snow and wrote on the sidewalk outside his window "Merry XMAS Big Joe" so when he looked out he would see it.  I remember him calling in the nurses and telling anyone who would listen that his girls had done that for him.  I've never seen a father so proud in my life to see his daughters break the law.  After that year, h e always seemed to be not his best at Christmas.   and then right around this time 2 years ago is when my father started to get worse. 
     So its been hard getting in the spirit holiday...that was till this weekend.   Saturday morning I went over and saw my niece before work.  She was her usual bouncy, funny little girl.  They had just decorated the tree the night before and she was eager to show me her favorite ornament.  She then started to talk about how Santa was coming really soon.  There is nothing like hearing a child get excited about Santa coming for the first time and truly understanding what that means.  Right after I left Alice is was off to the Club.  Our annual Christmas tree sale was going on as soon as I arrived.  The smell of Christmas filled my nose as soon as I opened my car door.  All day people were in and out buying trees and it felt good to say "Have a merry Christmas" as I handed each person their receipt.  They were all just so happy to be starting their Christmas season with a tree from the Club.  I couldn't help but feel the Christmas spirit. 
    That was until kids from the Club didn't get picked up until 5:30ish from the Club.  Half hour after we close causing me to be half hour behind my getting ready schedule to go to the Nutcracker.  I of course spent the next half hour running around my apartment freaking out about time. Not being able to fully get ready myself.  By the time we got to Tim and Danielle's house I was in a panic.  As soon as I walked in Tim asked if I wanted a glass of wine and it worked like a charm.  I was back in the mode again. When we arrived at the Opera House we walked in and it was decked out from floor to ceiling in beautiful Christmas decorations.  Little girls were dressed up in the prettiest dresses and they were so wide eyed and excited about seeing the Nutcracker for the first time.  It was so touching to see them that it brought me back to the first time I saw it.  And that Christmas spirit filled me again.
     If that wasn't enough I spent part of my day with Kevin and his friends on Sunday.  One of his friends was trying to decorate his place for his fiance that is out of the country 2 weeks.  They spent the day debating lights and wreaths and colors.  I had never seen any of them put such effort into trying to capture the holiday spirit like these three guys.  It was heartwarming to see how big of deal it was to them to get it right, to make it perfect.  By the time they were done (10pm) they were so proud of their work it was beyond adorable .
    I am going to try to keep this holiday spirit going this year.  Its been an incredible start and I couldn't be more thankful for that.  I am a lucky girl and I am looking forward to the holiday this year. 

90 days to beautiful

I don't know when my obsession with weddings started.  I think I can blame it on my sister Christine.  I was the flower girl in her wedding when I was five years old.  She had this huge wedding with all our family, friends.  I remember staying up most of the night dancing the night away right along with the rest of my sisters and my dad.  She had this huge beautiful dress with a cascading bouquet of flowers that I swear went all the way to the ground.  Her dress had these enormous shoulders that puffed up as high as her cheekbones.  Long, lacy sleeves.  A skirt that flowed out like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty.  Looking back it reminds me of Princess Di's dress.  (Give her a break it was the 80's and certainly in style.)Being so young I can remember just being in awe of the way she looked and more importantly I was in awe of the entire wedding.  I knew than from that day on  that I wanted to have a day just like it. 

Flash forward 25 years later  and 25 weddings attended while dating Kevin,  I am planning my own special day.  As must of you know one of the most important moments is going to be stepping into that dress and turning around, seeing myself in that mirror for the first time.  I have envisioned the whole thing.  The people around me, the dress, the moment and its all coming so soon.  I am in a panic to think I am going to turn around and not like what I see: a woman standing there in the mirror who looks nothing like the woman I dreamed of 25 years ago. 

So I've set myself up with a 90 day deadline.  Yup I have given myself a deadline now.  In 90 days I am going try on dresses for the first time.  I have been to David's Bridal with the girls looking for dresses and each time I have made my way over to the wedding gown section and just looked.  The women that work there always ask...

 "Do you want to try something on?"

"No no no not yet!"  I say like its the worst thing they could have suggested to me.  Like they were handing me a bowl of Brussels sprouts.  I mean really most girls would jump at a chance to try on dresses. If you asked me five years ago I would have tackled someone to get to try on a dress.  Now its one of the scariest things I can imagine. But I gotta have faith that I'll make it through the next 90 days and reach another milestone.  Its gonna be hard.  Thanksgiving, my birthday, the holidays and the anniversary of my dad's passing.  Its going to be the hardest 90 days of this journey but I gotta strive, I gotta push and be that woman in the dreams of that wide eyed 5 year old Deanna. 

Update: I did loose 3lbs over the last week and half and I haven't done anything close to what I am capable of.  So move outta my way the pain train is pulling into a station near you! (So stupid but hey whatever works right?)

Like father like daughter...

A couple of weeks ago I got a message from an old friend and teammate  asking the "where the HELL is your blog"  I had to laugh because she perferenced the message with saying that she was channeling her father when she said it.  Her father was an old coach of mine from growing up and when I re-read that sentence it was like I could hear him saying it.  He always pushed me to do things that I didn't think I could do.  I will never forget the day he threw me in goal for the first time indoor soccer.  I was in 8th grade and had only really played foward/striker up until that point.  I remember looking at him being like "Are you serious?"  He looked at me and said "I think you're crazy enough to do it" And he was right, like almost always he was.  (I would never admit that to him lol)  He took so much time with me when I made the switch from forward to goalie firing soccer balls at my face, kicking balls at me while standing two feet away, telling me to suck it up when I would get the wind knocked out of me.  He was hard on me but always had a high five and a "good job kiddo" at the end of the of practice. 

He also taught me a hard lesson that I have carried with me for a long time.  It was an early morning game back in 8th grade and there had been a dance the night before.  All of us were exhausted and kind of cranky.  I, like most of my teammates, were complaining how early it was to play a soccer game and how we didn't want to play.  Well Mr. Oliver and Mr. Kiely were not happy at all to hear that in fact they came over really pissed off.  Mr.Oliver came over and talked to us about how he was picking the people who were leaders each game to be the captains for the day.  He also went on about how dissappointed he was in us that we were complaining about playing and if we didn't want to play our parents were across the field and we could have them drive us home.  He picked his three captains and of course I wasn't one of them.  As we walked to the sideline he stopped me and said "Dee you would have been one of those people.  You are always a leader.  You are always focused but today you let me down.  Get your head in the game and lets play."  Wow! I remember those words refocused me and got me ready for my game.  I NEVER wanted to let him down like that ever again. I had to show up to each and every game game ready. 

Its funny to think about this "lesson" now and compare it to my weight loss journey.  I have certainly complained alot about how hard this is and I let myself down about the lack of progress over the last few months.  Mr.Oliver was right.  I am a leader and I need to refocus my efforts.  I need to approach my journey in game mode with my game face on. (insert other cheezy quote here) I want to purchase my wedding dress in February so I will need all "the coaches" I can get.  So thank you Katie for reaching out and reminding me that I needed to get back into game.  I appreciate you being a constant supporter and a great friend. 

Ps. (Ky & Mauren I appreciate the messages about the blog as well)

There's gotta be something more...

"Where have you been?"

"Whats going on with the Blog?"

"How is your journey going?"

"Have you gotten your dress?"

Let me catch you up to speed on whats been going on in my life since I last wrote...

For starters my exercise has gone down dramatically since I changed my schedule back to working nights.  You would think I would be able to get rolling in the morning and start my day off with a good workout.  It doesn't happen at all. Lately, I have been waking up out of my bed and moving myself right to my couch.  I stay on the couch till the very last minute I have to get ready for work and then I rush myself to get to work at 11am or 1pm.  Its kinda pathetic that I tell myself I can't find time to exercise when I have all morning to do it.  I'm angry at myself for being so lazy. 

I have started drinking soda again. I find myself really tired so I grab a coke zero and throw it back to get some caffeine in me.  I remember how hard it was to kick the soda habit back when I started this journey and now I am back to my one coke in the afternoon habit.  Its gross.  I can feel the way it affects my body.  I am not drinking enough water and my body is screaming at me about it.  I woke up the other night with one of those leg cramps you get when you are dehydrated.   I am sure when I say one of "THOSE" leg cramps someone out there knows what I am talking about.  It feels like my muscle is tearing away from the bone and my leg is going to burst from the spasm.  I can still feel 3 days later.  Ouch!

At home I am sure most of you read that Kevin's dad died.  We've been doing alot of running around so planning meals has been thrown out the window.  Many fast food trips to get something quick.  I can't even blame Kevin cause he isn't eating much. He isn't talking much. He's doing alot of putting on a strong face in front of everyone else and a lot of hurting at home.  People who know me know that I wear everything on my sleeve so when my partner in life handles things the complete opposite it leaves me feeling like I should be doing so much more...I didn't go on my trip to California because of the services and wanting to be there for my in-laws.  There was no question in my head of where I should have been.  Some people have asked me why I didn't at least go for the last part of the week or still go at all? I couldn't believe it when people even suggested it.  Kevin was a rock when my dad passed and even though he doesn't "need" me, I had to be there in case he did. 

So now I am left feeling like I need something more.  More exercise, more water, more dedication, more time for myself, more determination, more ANYTHING.

Anyone know where I can find it?

“The only real failure in life is the failure to try.”