Love Story

Almost two years ago I entered my sister Melissa and John in to win a dream wedding thru a radio contest.  I am sure you all are rolling yours eyes remembering the roller coaster of a contest that was.  I think I could have worked for an election committee after that. I harassed people on facebook, stood on street corners on my home town with signs, passed out fliers at my friends family parties, painted cars and even made tshirts to wear to the Rascal Flatts concert. We lost, they called us back said the others were cheating, they had interviews and they lost again...heart break. 

Anyways, I have always joked about how Melissa owes me when its my turn to get married and folks the gauntlet has been thrown down by my big sister.  I posted a link to her page the other day telling her she had four days to enter me in to win a free dress. http://networkedblogs.com/h74zf 

Again, half way joking. Tonight she sent me a copy of the letter she wrote.  It was so beautiful that I had to share it with you. 

*WARNING TEAR JERKER*
( How is that warning for you Pamie and Liz???)

My sister Deanna and her fiance Kevin have been together since 2007.  They met at a local pub and it was love at first sight.  She knew, immediately, that this was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with.  I didn’t know the moment they started dating, but it wasn’t long after.  Deanna had to have surgery and when I saw how Kevin refused to leave her side while in the hospital, or even at home while in recovery, I knew that he was the one she would spend the rest of her life with. 

Deanna and Kevin take care of everyone around them.  They are both so kind and always thinking of other people before themselves.  They are two of the most loyal friends someone could ask for.  They would both drop anything at anytime, day or night, to help out not only friends and family, but anyone that is need of ANYTHING.  If you need a ride to the airport, a birthing coach, someone to help you carry a couch up a couple flights of stairs, a shoulder to cry on, someone to sit and share a smile with, a pep talk or just someone to listen to you no matter what is going on in their own lives, these are the two people you can count on.

It’s amazing that my sister Deanna was able to find someone that is just as giving as she is.  She has always been such a selfless person, always giving to others and thinking about herself last.  She’s been this way since we were kids.  She would volunteer at the local recreation center every summer as a camp councilor instead of enjoying her days at the beach with friends.  When she graduated from college she decided to take a job at a nonprofit organization (even though it meant less in pay) so she could continue to give back to the community.  She encourages the kids she works with on a daily basis to believe in themselves and to have goals.  She inspires them.  She has assisted many of the teens she has worked with applying for scholarships to college, admissions letters etc. Both she and Kevin volunteer nights at a homework support club.  She’s even decided to have their wedding ceremony at a local church (instead of our family’s church the next town over) so “her kids” could come.   

Not only has she always been selfless, but Deanna has always been a hopeless romantic.  From the time we were kids she knew she wanted the fairy tale.  She always envisioned her future husband to be asking our father for her hand in marriage, her dream proposal moment in Disney World in front of Cinderella’s castle with the fireworks in the sky while she said yes.  She’s always known she wanted to have her wedding at Brooksby Farm in the fall with the New England foliage as a breathtaking backdrop to her beautiful day. I always told her I thought her expectations were too high.  “Be realistic” I told her. There was no man that could live up to all of her expectations.  Obviously I had no idea that there was a Kevin out there just waiting for her. 

Kevin made her first wish a reality when he asked my father for her hand in marriage right before he died.  It was one of the last conversations anyone would ever have with him.  I think my father was able to go peacefully knowing his youngest daughter, his baby, would be well taken care of.  Kevin made her next wish come true in November.  Not only did he pull off her dream surprise proposal on a trip to Disney World, but had secretly booked a tour of her dream reception site, Brooksby Farm, for the day they returned from their trip. 

After seeing how much my sister gives to others it’s so wonderful to know she has a man that would give her the world if he could.  There is nothing he wouldn’t do for her and vice versa.  I admire the strengths that they both have individually, but I am in awe of their strength as a couple.  They are one of those rare couples that are not only head over heels in love with each other, but they truly are each other’s best friends and they make an amazing team.   

With Kevin, my sister has found her Prince Charming.  I would love for her to have her fairy tale wedding gown and I’m hoping you’ll consider being her fairy godmother.

If nothing comes out of this contest, I at least have the most beautiful Love Story written out by one of the most amazing people in my life.  I love you Waka!!!

Emotions get the best of me...

So I just dropped off Kevin at darts in Somerville after we worked the homework club.  I don't have time to eat dinner in between working the Club and Homework Club so by now my stomach is making weird noises because I am so hungry.  Its been a long day and I think I should just grab something quick.  I'm right by Wellington Station so I can swing by Kelly's Roast Beef.  Mmmm Kelly's.  For those of you who don't know Kelly's is my weakness.  Fried Clam plate w/onion rings or Kelly's Hot Dogs with ketchup and onions w/ a nicely toasted bun.  I can feel my mouth watering as I approach the drive thru.  I get up to the screen to order and something just snapped in my head....

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" I said outloud to myself as I slam my foot on my gas pedtal and get myself out of there as quick as I could.  Four months in and the food cravings are just as bad as they were a year ago.  God, I am so mad at myself.  I am literally talking to myself the whole way home like a crazy woman. 

"What were you thinking?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"I hate myself"

Yup, I hope someone out there is laughing because I would be if I didn't happen to be the crazy one. 

This week has further driven the point home that I am without a doubt an emotional eater.  I find comfort in food when I am having a hard time. As most of you know that I am having a really hard time right now by the blog entry of this morning.  Its not just things with my friend, its alot of things that have left me an emotional wreck this week.  Usually, I would go get Kelly's or Sonic or McDonalds or Burger King or Coldstone....the list could go on.  I would eat the biggest, most unhealthy thing on the menu.  After I would eat, I of course would feel lik crap but it was the food....its wasn't me.  I don't know what to do with my emotions now that I can't eat them away.  I can't run my feelings away.  I end up running way faster than I want to and quit running.  I guess walking isn't a bad idea either.  I usually walk with someone but lately I want to walk late at night so I can't do that either. Its a weird feeling not being to get all my emotions out by ordering a super size number 2.  What do I do? Does anyone have any suggestions?

As always I want to try to at least add a positive note to my blog.  I can't do all bad/negative.  I am down to 238 pounds.  I am officially down 44 pounds.  I have been so emotional that I was so scared to look at the scale.  Thank god, I did.  It gave me the light ray of hope I needed on Sunday morning.  Its crazy to think in a few weeks I could be down 50 pounds.  I think once I hit 50 pounds I am going to go out and celebrate with something big.  Not like a dinner but maybe going to go climb Mt. Washington or something like that.  I will take suggestions (and company with me when I do)

“Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters.”

I know lately I haven't been writing.  I could sit here and make up a thousand excuses of why I haven't but I will be truthful with you all mostly because I swore to that I would be.  So here goes...

This week I have watched one of my best friends go through the hardest thing I think she will ever face.  I mean we've been through so much together.  Both of our fathers passing, her wedding, my engagement,college, house hunting, bad boyfriends( I will take credit for that), job searching, hospital trips (she can take credit for that), practices...I mean the list could go on and on and its only been eleven years since she walked into my life and its seemed that no matter what it was, I could make her laugh.  She could make me see the more logical, less dramatic side of things.  I joke with her and say that we are team mates for life but part of me knows how true that statement is: teammates for life.  Its hard to watch her be so strong for herself and her husband and knowing that every inch of her heart is broken.  I admire her strength and courage to face this head on and with no fear.  I've always loved that about her. 

This week ,however, I can't fix this.  I can't say lets go for a late night Walmart trip and then its okay.  There isn't an easy fix and it makes me feel so helpless.  Its a feeling that I know there isn't a cure for and I am just going to have to face the fact that I can't make this better.  I want to.  This is one of these moments in a friendship that you wish you had a fast forward button or skip option.  I'd give everything to make it all just go away.  I've cried to Kevin about it, saying how it just isn't fair because I know thats it not.  Bad things shouldn't happen to good people but yet here it is happening to two of the most caring, selfless people I have ever met.  I just makes me angry.  It makes me sad and its just not fair.  They say everything happens for a reason...well whats this reason? Why them, why now?

    

     The one positive thing I can take from this: I am so damn lucky that I met some of my most incredible friends during my college years.  It just kinda happened right there in the middle of our classes, practices, student activities, dorms,crazy nights, etc...we became our own family.  I reached out to so many of them over the past week to let them know the news. One of the girls, who I haven't seen in six years (since I graduated really) reached out and asked what she could do.  I think she shared the same feeling I did....teammate for life.  No matter what happens, we would and will always have each other backs.  I have another friend who I literally never know where in the WORLD she is BUTTTT I also know that if I needed her she would be on the first plane out from wherever she was.  The same is to be said about my Cali friend(s) and my friend who used to be a party animal and now is the mother of two beautiful boys.  She'd come running as well.  I could go all night with trying to name them all in the blog.  Man, I am so blessed for them.  As much as we all hurt for our friend, I know she feels comfort in knowing we are all there for her.  We'll pick up the pieces with her.  We'll help them move on.  They'll laugh again.  They'll believe again. 

Where in the world do you find one person let alone the hundreds of friends like that? 

I guess admissions knows what they are doing after all. 

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

Slow and steady wins the race

Four months ago I couldn't walk up the stairs without getting winded.  I couldn't button my jeans without two or three attempts.  Dress shopping was a nightmare.  Health wise I was at the bottom of the barrel. 

Its hard to look at yourself at that point and say "How much further down do you want go?" But like I have said time and time again there was a moment where I just couldn't take it anymore.  It was time to get healthy and I think I am well on my way to getting there.

 I didn't win the race but I finished it in 32:21.  I finished 137 out of 170.  There were six years olds that beat me.  I wanted to run it under 30 minutes but I just couldn't do it. I am trying to be okay with the fact that I didn't hit my mark.  I even owe my co worker a lunch because I didn't run the whole time.  I walked twice for about a minute each time and I can say with confidence that is why I didn't hit my 30 minute mark.  I also let myself get really busy the last two weeks leading up to the race and didn't stick to my workout like I should have.  I tried to stay up with my friends who were running in the race as well and I couldn't do it.  There are alot of things I would do differently now looking back at it...

BLAH!!!!

Are you all done with reading this pity party as I am done writing it?  I don't really care if people thought my time was slow or I walked for a minute or two.  I don't really care that there were people who ran it about 15 minutes faster than me. So what? I did it.  I ran a road race.  Something so small but just four months ago was impossible.  There are so many things that people who are not over weight or who are in great shape take for granted.  I can't do that anymore.  Each new thing that I accomplish is just another that I wouldn't have been able to months ago.  This whole transformation or journey has been hard.  I am just now starting to see the results of my work.  Pant fit much better, people are saying how great I look, stairs aren't as bad...As amazing as it all is I know that the journey is not anywhere close to being finished.  If I were to compare it to a marathon I am about 1/4 of the way in with the finish line nowhere close.  I am not completely sure how I feel about it either.  I am scared that I can't keep it up.  I am confident that since I have gone this far, I can go the distance.  There is a lot I don't know yet.  Time will tell just how far this journey will go.

I do know that I am not doing this alone.  I have the most incredible support group made up of my future husband, family, friends and followers of my blog.  I received so many sweet and thoughtful messages before and after the race.  I never thought that people would care as much as they did about my journey but they do.  I can't believe the people who came out to race with me.  They all knew that I may not be able to keep up with them but it was important to me enough to me that they doing it with me.  Jillian and her husband drove up from the Cape just for the race.  Vicki, her girlfriend and a two friends ran in the race and then headed up to participate in the bike ride part of thethe Epic Man challenge (Participants start off the coast of Maine, kayak to New Hampshire, then bike ride to the start of the Marathon from New Hampshire and then run the Boston Marathon. INSANE) Kenny ran the race and finished just shy of 20 minutes.  He was even mad at himself that he didn't know that he was that close to the finish and would have pushed himself more if he had even known the finish line was as close as it was.  And finally Chris Lopes (court's husband) ran the race on no sleep because he was on call ALL night.  INCREDIBLE! They are truly incredible people.  *A special thanks to Ali Fornash who was supposed to run the race but day of could not make it.  Her own journey of racing, eating healthy and blogging has been such an inspiration to me that I know that she would have been there if she could.*




Then there was the ones that stood at the finish line.  The roar of the my own personal crowd as I crossed the finish line was incredible. 

I am so lucky to have these people in my life.  To them this road race wasn't something they HAD to go to, they all wanted to be there.  Geraldine even came to the race with my bucket list on a big poster board so I could check off "run a road race" off my list.   They have been the ones (well not the only ones.  "Team Dee" has many members) asking about the weight loss, going for runs/walks with me, calling me on Sunday mornings to get my weigh ins, cheering me along, going with me to Bigges Loser Tryouts, wedding appointments, wedding shows...EVERYTHING. You need supportive people like this in your life.  The type of people who go out of their way for you just because they know when they need it, you'll do the same.  These types of friends/family are hard to find but so important to have.  Success is is still a success but not as sweet when its not shared with the ones that get you there.

So a big "Yessah Buddy Boy" to me as I cross something off my list and continue on to the finish line of the Skinny Bride journey.

Buckets for Joe

I wrote the following Note on facebook about two weeks after my dad died and I thought I would share it with all of you. 

(February 20, 2010)
Hi all,
I first want to thank you all for being for me during the worst time in my life. Its been so overwhelming the amount of support you have all showed me. My father lived every day to the fullest and died with no regrets. I am inspired by his life and want to share that inspiration with you all.

I want you to start your own "Bucket List" (the list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket.) So I ask you to start your own Bucket List and share it with friends, Family, co-workers, whoever you feel would be a great support for you. Have a Bucket Party....have everyone in your support group in one place. This could be something so powerful.

From some of us 09' and 10' has been an amazing year(s) for some us they have been the worst on record. Why not continue the good and change the bad. Half of the reason why we don't finish things on our list is cause we don't say them out loud or take the time out of our lives to really pay attention to the things we really want.

I was talking to a woman today who said her father in law spent his whole life working and right before he retired he bought a RV to take trips in. He was supposed to retire on a Friday and start his new life but died on a Monday. I don't want to be this gentleman and neither do you.

So I ask you to start your own Bucket List and share it with friends, Family, co-workers, whoever you feel would be a great support for you.

Help me turn something so awful into something positive and help the memory/life of my father live on.

Pass this on

So here goes...

Go to New York City in all four seasons
own a brand new car
Get married
own a German Shepard
Go to key west
go to a red sox vs. yankee game
Run a road race
get a talent that I could use in a talent show
be in a hall of fame
help 100 kids get into college
be able to chug a beer
watch a baby being born
be a godmother
get another tattoo
go white water rafting
Drink around the world in epcot
Get on Tv with a Rem Dawg sign
Go to Vegas
Turn 30 gracefully
Drink in the same pub my dad and Eddie did in Ireland and left his patch
Drink a really expensive drink at the Ritz in Naples Florida
Dip my toes in the pacific ocean
be able to change a diaper without almost getting sick
have children
Catch the big one on Mel's trip
live by the ocean
watch a beautiful sunrise/sunset
Do my 15th year at Relay for Life
Drive on Rt 66
Go to Hershey Park
See the Grand Canyon
Have a picnic in the same park as The Tanner Family in the Opening of Full House
Go to the Olympics
meet a president
run the Disney half marathon
loose 100 pounds
learn another language
Go to the Rock and Roll hall of fame
See the falls
Catch a few beads down at Mardi Gras
Go to Alaska
own a home
look fabulous in a wedding dress
Ride the Frisbee at Canobie Lake Park
Ride all the rides at Six Flags
Get a green light on the harry potter ride
drive my own jet ski or snow mobile at a normal speed
Never be too busy to go on a Nardone Adventure
get over my fear of heights
climb at least 1 major mountain in each New England State
go on a family vacation with ALL my sisters.....
have all my sisters/friends stop smoking
go somewhere that has a lazy river where I can drink
Do the Cliff walk in Newport in RI and Maine
get engaged with the perfect story (As I re-read to Kevin he said CHECK)
(SO MUCH MORE)

I am sad to report that I haven't done much off my list of things to do in my life.  As motivated as I was when I first wrote that note, I somehow lost steam behind it.  I need to more than ever start crossing this stuff off my list off my bucket list.  So I am throwing out a challenge to all my followers...help me cross something off my list.  I am serious.  If you can't help me cross things off my list, make your own list and share it with someone else.  I think if we all took a minute and really thought about what we want to do with our lives and actually went out and did it, the world could be a better place.  Corny? Yes! If it wasn't corny, it wouldn't be my style.

I hopefully will finish the race Sunday and get to say check one more thing....can you say the same?

The things they don't tell you in sex ed

I can remember sitting in Mrs.Mahoney's Health class dreading the end of her class when she would pull out her famous "Sex bag."  For those of you who don't know the "Sex Bag" was this little maroon velvet bag that had gold glitter gender symbols glued on it.  She would hand mus each a slip of paper and you either had to write no question 3x or write down a question you were too scared to ask in front of everyone.  I ,of course, always wrote no question in fear she would recognize my handwritting.  However, there was always that one classmate that would write about the size of his you know what.  Ex.  "What should I do if my "friend" is so big it needs its own zip code?"  Mrs.Mahoney would do her best to keep a straight face because any question that was in the sex bag had to be treated with respect and dignity. 

     Lately, I have been wondering what I would write if I could go back and write down questions that I have NOW in my life because I feel like we didn't cover major sections in her class.  We were taught so many lessons on how not to get pregnant, safe sex and the old warnings it "only takes one time" but where were the REAL lessons? The ones that we would really need in life.  You know the one that tells you thats its okay to be freaked out about having children. Or when you're ready you may not get pregnant.  Or how to express how happy you are for someone via their facebook status.  Or you might get pregnant but hold off until you get excited because you may lose that baby.  Or how do you deal with watching your friends have babies while you sit back and hope that the very next baby shower will be yours.  Or how do you comfort one of your best friends as she is telling you that she was pregnant and now she's not. Or how about being so excited and so scared for another friend who wasn't so ready to have a baby but you know that she is going to be a perfect mother.  Or stepping up to show someone that he may not be there but you always will.  Or you your heart breaks for one of your oldest friends because you know how badly he wants to be a dad and it just hasn't happened yet. Or how to hold yourself together as someone who has always been there for you asks you to her labor coach.  Or becoming a puddle when you hear heart beat of your soon to be "nephew" in a stuffed bear next to a picture of him in his new nursery.
   We don't get those lessons in middle school or high school health class.  Life doesn't hand us a maroon bag and say here ask any question and I'll give you an answer.  I kinda wish it did.  Life is funny in that way.  You learn so much more AFTER you go throw something than when you're actually going thru it. Life gives us the answers we are searching for much MUCH later.  Recently, I've watched so many of my friends go thru the struggle of trying to have children that it scares me to think that it could be hard for Kevin and I some day.  I wish I could get that slip of paper and just ask "Why does that happen?" And Mrs.Mahoney give me the right answer. 
     I also feel for the women I know who are pregnant and feel like they can't be excited because they know that someone close to them heart is breaking for a child.  These women in my life need to realize how caring and selfless they are.  Of course your heart breaks for the ones who are trying but don't let that take away from your own joy.  Its amazing to hear these women say how much they care about a friends feelings way beyond their own. Then again the same can be said to the friends that smile, hug and congratulate the ones that were blessed before them.  That kind of selfless love is the reason why I know ALL of these special ladies in my life will make the most amazing mothers and the men that stand beside all of them will make fantastic dads. 

I am so blessed to have so many of those caring women in my life and so thankful that they allow me to go along with them during their own journeys.  So to the soon to be, recently became, has been for quite some time, hope to be mothers out there...I hope that you know I have nothing but the up most respect for you all you for showing the world what true love and strength look like.

 And remember when your child does go to get married go easy on them...

I gotta feeling...

I don't know where to even start its been that long....

Good News

- I have lost 40lbs
- We booked a photographer
- We booked our video person
- We booked our Church
-We booked our bag piper
-And last night I think we found our caterer.

 YESSAH BUDDY BOY!!!!!

Last Sunday I got up and weighed myself and I lost the 40lbs.  40lbs! I weigh 241lbs.  I can't believe not that long ago I was 282 pounds and miserable. This is the amount of weight that I feel like its a huge victory.  I feel great! I can walk up to the gym at the Club and not be winded.  I can run up and down a soccer field and I don't want to die.  My clothes are not fitting in a good way! I can't wait to go shopping and get some cute spring outfits! This is fantastic!!!

So I took that as a sign that I should just stop second guessing my choices for the wedding.  I knew that I wanted my dj's company to do the video.  Kevin and I looked at each other and said let's do it.  When I contacted my Dj not only did he let me book the video BUTTTTT we booked a 1400 package for 50% off! We get all these extras for the price that we feel VERY comfortable at.  

We took that great feeling and said lets just book the photographer as well.  We went with a great guy who actually does Brooksby weddings ALL the time.  The Brooksby wedding coordinator thought so highly of him that her niece used him for her wedding.  When you pull up the Peabody Historical Society website for Brooksby, its his pictures that come up.  I guess you could say he helped make me fall in love with Brooksby in the first place.  His package includes our album, two parent albums, free engagement photo session AND a second shooter for a price that we were getting quoted for just a photographer. 

The bag piper was a no brainer.  He was the bag piper from the first wedding expo we went to.  For those of you who don't know the story, he is a retired Cambridge Police Officer.  He actually knew my dad pretty well.  He wears the traditional outfit for a piper as well as his Cambridge Police Badge.  We just felt like it was another small touch to include my father in the day.  

Finally we met with Father Flatley on Thursday.  Kevin called Father Flatley on Wednesday and we had our meeting Thursday night.  I just felt sick to my stomach with nerves.  I knew how important this meeting was to my mother and the rest of my family.  I was pop quizzing Kevin on his "catholic" answers such as "Do you want to raise your children Catholic?" and the response was supposed to be "Of course!" He kept answering me all different ways which didn't help my nerves.  When Father Flatley came he started with

"How did you two meet?"  Wonderful! Kevin and I both fumbled over the right way to say bar to a priest.   I eventually managed to spit the word bar out to the priest.  In my head I was thinking, strike 1.

"Who proposed?" I was kinda caught of guard by that question but this was an easy one.  I went very quickly into the story of our fairy tale engagement.  Phewww that puts us back on top. 

Then he dropped the question that I never thought no one has asked us

"Did you ask her father?" Tears started to well up in my eyes so Kevin took this one.  He told the priest how he went into my father's hospital room the last day he was conscience and asked for my hand in marriage.  It was the last convo the two of them would ever have.  It was so important to me that Kevin went and did that  and I couldn't believe the priest asked that of all questions. 

Father Flatley quickly changed the subject and went on to talk to Kevin mostly about where he was from and they figured out that his first assignment was at the same church that Kevin's older sisters/brothers went to. Father Flatley also grew up in Brookline (the town that he delivers mail in.)  The two of them were best friends that night.  I barey got to speak.  When I did speak I made sure I dropped the "I work at the Boys & Girls Club"
"Oh we went to Shelia Meloy's wedding"
 "we work with Peggy Regan"
"Michelle Tibbets and her husband really loved the wedding music coordinator"  etc.  I was a name dropping son of a gun!  He was so great to meet with and totally made me feel at ease.  He put us right in the book. 

I feel great and stress free as of this week!!!