The Start...

I am getting married to Kevin O'Neil on October 14, 2012.  According to the countdown on theknot.com its only 614 days away. I also have 403 uncompleted tasks on my "TO DO" list as well.   It seems like there is so much to do from now until then book the church, find the photographer, find the perfect last dance, choose a caterer, find amazing gifts for the bridal party, flowers, suits for the guys, get our wedding bands, etc.  I check things off my list daily both on theknot as well as in my lovely planner that Courtney got me as an engagement gift.  But the one thing that I can't find on all these "lists" is the biggest thing, in my mind, I have to do get done. I have to become a skinny bride. 
     I don't remember the exact age I was when I started to become a plus size woman.  I  mean I was always taller than the boys I went to elementary school and way more developed then the girls but I wasn't "plus size"  High school I was a curvy size 14 with most of my weight being in my chest.  Everyone had comments for my body.  I was called "black eyes" by my teammates, Double D by friends.  My breasts became a huge part (no pun intended) of who I was.  I wasn't just Deanna, I was the girl with the big boobs.  Prom dress shopping was a nightmare.  I even had a dress break at a dance because my breasts were so large.  Everyone told me I wasn't big, it was my breasts. 
     College was the same story but this time it wasn't just my breasts that grew.  I started to gain the freshmen 15 each year I was in college.  I went from being able to run 3 miles daily with my soccer team to almost missing my senior year of soccer due to stress fracture in my shin.  Most likely due to lack of excerise and my weight.  I remember going home during winter break one year and saying "Oh if I lost 15 pounds I would be okay.  215 isn't bad.  I can loose 15 pounds and be fine"  That never happened. 
     The weight kept coming and I convienced myself that if I got a breast reduction that my body would be just like it once was.  After my surgery it seems like my body did the exact opposite.  I guess I never put two and two together that it was my lifestyle that had to change and not the size of my breasts.  My father even said that if I lost 50 pounds he would give me $500.  Even that couldn't motivate me.   I was buying clothes that were the same size as they were before my surgery mostly cause it fit my stomach and not my breast. 

I felt lucky that Kevin could see past my weight/body and see my inner beauty.  It has always been something in the back of my head wondering if Kevin would love me more if I lost the weight? Silly really.  He loves me just the way I am and I love him for that.  He has never made me feel bad about my size once.  I can see in his eyes that the woman he sees in front of him is the one he wants to be with whether or not she is big.  I am one lucky girl.
     
 It was New Years day when I finally stepped on that scale at Alli and Keith's house when I stepped on that scale and looked down and saw 282 pounds.  I was 18 pounds way from 300.  The site literally took my breathe away.  I wanted to scream, break the mirror.  I didn't want to look at myself.  I hated myself for allowing food, calories to take over my life like it had.  I never want to look at myself and hate myself the way I did that day, especially on my wedding day.
    
So the very next day I started the newest chapter in my life.  I am on the path to become a skinny bride.  It hasn't been easy but since I started eating healthy, drinking tons of water, doing the biggest loser workouts and now have added training for a 5K on to the list of things I am doing, I have lost a total of 23 pounds.  I am down to 258 pounds.  I haven't seen that weight in such a long time.  I can't wait to get down to the 240's and then the 230's and beyond. 

I hope that the only thing in my head when I walk down the aisle is marrying the man waiting for me at the end.  I don't want to look back and try to hide behind people while I am taking pictures or pray the camera got "my good side" 

On October 14, 2012, I will be that skinny bride!