Its week 9 of my journey and I have lost 30lbs. Yessah Buddy Boy! My god does it feel good to say that out loud especially after last week when I gained two pounds. I hoppedon the scale on Thursday expecting to see high numbers again and when I saw 254, I knew I just had to push it a little bit more to get down to 30lbs by today's weigh in. I just had to get that 30lbs this week because I was getting sick of saying 20 something pounds when people were asking. I had been to this point before. I would fit better into my clothes, people would make comments asking if I had lost weight. I would loose my focus on the goal and the life style wouldn't stick. The weight would creep back up and all the hard work would be gone just like that...
But that was years ago and my healthy future looks bright. This 30lbs is just the starting point to feeling GREAT about myself instead of just GOOD! There are too many of you out there supporting me now to ever look back. I have to keep going, keep pushing. So many of you message me privately about the new goals you have for yourself because I have inspired you to do so but you have it all wrong. You are the only who can conquer your obstacles, your own mountains. Say it out loud. What do you want and what are you doing to get it done? Comment on this post and tell me, tell others. Its amazing how much more I think I can accomplish now that I know there are people out there behind me. I triple dog dare you to post. (According to the Christmas Story that's the dare of all dares that when presented you HAVE to do it)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Pickles and Ice Cream
I have to say that when I heard stories of pregnant women having insane cravings like pickles with ice cream I used to laugh it off. How could these women crave food like that? I laughed until it starting happening to me.
I want:
- McDonald's cheeseburgers
- sonic mozzarella sticks
-tavern nachos
- chicken nuggets
- Not Your Average Joe's bread and oil
- Texas roadhouse rolls and bread
- a large movie theater popcorn
- fried clams and onion rings from Kelly's
- AHOP pepperoni pizza
- buffalo chicken fingers from ANYWHERE
- big class of coke with lots of ice
- cherry limeade
- Verna's honey dipped donuts
- Boilmaker for Joe Sent me with french fries ( loads of ketchup and vinegar)
- cool ranch Doritos
- Chinese food
- cold stone peanut butter perfection
- tavern cheese fries (just for you Amanda)
I could honestly sit here all night and just name off all the foods I am DYING to eat. I know, I know everything in moderation but what I think alot of you don't understand is that when you are as big as I was/am the want for food can be dangerous. I am scared that my success is teetering between eating the food I really want or staying healthy. It really feels like I have to actively try with every meal, every second not to give in and eat crappy food. Its been almost two months and this "journey" any easier then it did the first day. Every day I struggle and almost everyday I succeed and I have to find the joy in those daily triumphs.
Just this week there was a child who had their parent drop off Burger King to them for their lunch. He sat down at the table with me and all I wanted to do is rip the bag out of his hands and chow down on his burger and fries. The same happened when I walked by a McDonald's a few weeks ago. I had to call Kevin and treat him like my food sponsor. He had to talk me through the 12 steps of fast food cravings. It kinda sad actually. Everything that I am putting into my body I have to measure, add up and record. How did I get to this point?
Its frustrating because I have to live with the fact that I did this to myself. I ate as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted. I don't think you understand how low you get until you are staring at a poor defenseless child thinking of the ways to distract him to steal his food. Honest to god its that bad some days. Thankfully, all the children made it through vacation week with their unhealthy meals in tact.
I have been working through the cravings however by making amazing food. Mostly found in the Biggest Loser Family Cook books. Please share yummy recipes with me (and all the Members of Team Dee.) I might even share some myself!
I want:
- McDonald's cheeseburgers
- sonic mozzarella sticks
-tavern nachos
- chicken nuggets
- Not Your Average Joe's bread and oil
- Texas roadhouse rolls and bread
- a large movie theater popcorn
- fried clams and onion rings from Kelly's
- AHOP pepperoni pizza
- buffalo chicken fingers from ANYWHERE
- big class of coke with lots of ice
- cherry limeade
- Verna's honey dipped donuts
- Boilmaker for Joe Sent me with french fries ( loads of ketchup and vinegar)
- cool ranch Doritos
- Chinese food
- cold stone peanut butter perfection
- tavern cheese fries (just for you Amanda)
I could honestly sit here all night and just name off all the foods I am DYING to eat. I know, I know everything in moderation but what I think alot of you don't understand is that when you are as big as I was/am the want for food can be dangerous. I am scared that my success is teetering between eating the food I really want or staying healthy. It really feels like I have to actively try with every meal, every second not to give in and eat crappy food. Its been almost two months and this "journey" any easier then it did the first day. Every day I struggle and almost everyday I succeed and I have to find the joy in those daily triumphs.
Just this week there was a child who had their parent drop off Burger King to them for their lunch. He sat down at the table with me and all I wanted to do is rip the bag out of his hands and chow down on his burger and fries. The same happened when I walked by a McDonald's a few weeks ago. I had to call Kevin and treat him like my food sponsor. He had to talk me through the 12 steps of fast food cravings. It kinda sad actually. Everything that I am putting into my body I have to measure, add up and record. How did I get to this point?
Its frustrating because I have to live with the fact that I did this to myself. I ate as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted. I don't think you understand how low you get until you are staring at a poor defenseless child thinking of the ways to distract him to steal his food. Honest to god its that bad some days. Thankfully, all the children made it through vacation week with their unhealthy meals in tact.
I have been working through the cravings however by making amazing food. Mostly found in the Biggest Loser Family Cook books. Please share yummy recipes with me (and all the Members of Team Dee.) I might even share some myself!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Helping myself can now help others...
I don't know if any of you know Mrs. Lauren Jastremski. If you don't, you should. She is a former Dallin teacher that I have had the pleasure to get to know over the past 6 years with my work through the Relay For Life. She is a fantastic woman full of wonderful ideas. She sent me this message on facebook this morning.
"Okay....I am not sure if I have already suggested this to you. I will pledge 1 dollar for every pound that you lose up until the day of the RFL and donate it to Bianchi's Buddies in memory of your Dad. From that time forward until your wedding, I will pledge 1 dollar per pound and donate it to any charity that you designate. Sooooo 2 things...How much do I owe so far? AND....why not use this idea as an incentive/fundraiser idea? You could post your progress monthly for the next 3 months at least."
So in honor of my weight loss of 25+ pounds, I am asking my followers to donate $25 to one of the following charities.
Relay For Life page
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY11NE?px=14584017&pg=personal&fr_id=31057
Donate a $25 membership to the Arlington Boys & Girls Club. Pull down the "It just takes one" and donate $25 (that is the cost of one child for a one year membership)
https://secureonlinegiving.com/donations/site/index.asp?eventID=77
I hope that you all can help me help others while helping myself (if that even made sense.) The Relay for Life and the Arlington Boys & Girls Club are two charities that I hold near and dear to my heart. Think about helping create a world with my birthdays by donating to the Relay For Life . Or give a child a year full of exercise, good health and support with a donation of a membership. Either way YOU are changing the life of someone!
Thank you Mrs. J for being such an inspirational person in my life!
"Okay....I am not sure if I have already suggested this to you. I will pledge 1 dollar for every pound that you lose up until the day of the RFL and donate it to Bianchi's Buddies in memory of your Dad. From that time forward until your wedding, I will pledge 1 dollar per pound and donate it to any charity that you designate. Sooooo 2 things...How much do I owe so far? AND....why not use this idea as an incentive/fundraiser idea? You could post your progress monthly for the next 3 months at least."
So in honor of my weight loss of 25+ pounds, I am asking my followers to donate $25 to one of the following charities.
Relay For Life page
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY11NE?px=14584017&pg=personal&fr_id=31057
Donate a $25 membership to the Arlington Boys & Girls Club. Pull down the "It just takes one" and donate $25 (that is the cost of one child for a one year membership)
https://secureonlinegiving.com/donations/site/index.asp?eventID=77
I hope that you all can help me help others while helping myself (if that even made sense.) The Relay for Life and the Arlington Boys & Girls Club are two charities that I hold near and dear to my heart. Think about helping create a world with my birthdays by donating to the Relay For Life . Or give a child a year full of exercise, good health and support with a donation of a membership. Either way YOU are changing the life of someone!
Thank you Mrs. J for being such an inspirational person in my life!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Not my best week
I first want to thank everyone that has encouraged me over the past week. It was so crazy to see how much love and support I have during this journey.
Saturday
Andrea, Meri, Melissa came withe me as my support team. Two other lovely ladies tried out along side of me (not sure if they want me to spread their information so there names have been left out.) It was weird trying to find a "fat" outfit/pictures. I don't know how many other people (women especially) go through the same trouble finding an outfit like I do. Its horrible everytime I have to go shopping for pants, shirts, dresses or anything I always leave feeling way worse about myself. I can't remember the last time I bought an outfit that I said "WOW I feel amazing in this" Maybe in a few more months I can go get a couple of outfits that I will get that "WOW" feeling in...
Anyways, we get to the audtions and we get moved right to the front of the line. I felt the death stares from all the other people in line but I didn't care. I was feeling confident and ready to nail this try out. We then got split into groups of 8. While we were standing in line we made friends with this one woman. She was about 280 pounds currently and had this amazing story about how she had gasteric bypass surgery, lost 200 pounds and then gained it all back after the birth of her two kids. She talked about how hard it was to loose her baby weight, shopping for clothes, how she felt about herself. She talked about how much she loved her two babies, how amazing they are and everything. I mean after our ten minute converstation I had thought to myself not only will this chick get on the show BUT she'll win.
We then got called into a room with two tables set up with a casting director at each table. I go right in and sit directly next to the casting director. Each person starts to tell their stories. First guy, overweight, 40 never been married, father died early. Second, a 20 year old kid who wants to be a photographer, works as a free lance photographer for some Boston magazine, wants his clients to take him seriously. Then it was my new found friend's turn. I was so waiting for her to sit there and wow this casting director as she had me ten minutes before in line. She starts to tell her story but pauses, shakes her head and says
"I am going to tell you why you want me on your show. I am awesome and pretty. I also have overcome so much in my life. I watched my brother at the age of 5 be killed by my mother. I then was adopted by my aunt who never wanted me or my other brother. It was so bad that when I got adopted they gave me a doll and all I did was hit the baby because thats how I thought babies should be treated."
I am pretty sure I lost the biggest loser try outs due to the face I was making at this chick. The face I was making was somewhere between shock and confusion. I couldn't believe the same woman in the hallway was telling THIS story. She had totally turned into Cybil in front of my very eyes. No way did I expect that story and from what I could tell from the casting director neither did she.
I was finally the last person to tell "my story" in a two minute span. I couldn't believe that they wanted me to tell my story in less then 2 minutes. While I was telling my story I felt confident. People laughed when they were supposed to, shock their heads in agreement. The casting director asked me questions which she hadn't really done to anyone else. I was pretty sure I nailed that interview. When I was done the casting director looked at all of us and said thank you. We'll be making phone calls tonight. If you don't hear from us by 10pm then we're sorry you aren't going to be cast but please feel free to make a home video. There have been lots of people who have been cast after they didn't make the open casting call.
I was floating by the time I got out of that interview. I knew there was no way that they wouldn't pick me. I was so over confident that I should have known right there that I was doomed. When I got out of the interview I was telling my cheerleaders about how cute one of the other guys was in our casting and how perfect he would be for Erin. The cheerleaders then convience me that I should run back and tell him about Erin, get his phone number, pass it on to Erin and they would live happily ever after. This next part I am not proud of all. I ran back up the stairs to find that he was gone. I said to Andrea that I am glad we ran to go find him and if it was meant to be, then he would have been there. Our group then took the stairs instead of the elevator to the lobby. When we got to the lobby I found the "cute guy" standing there with his sister.
Serendipity? I thought so. So I went up to him and started a converstation about his interview and then threw in the facts about my amazing single best friend that wasn't there with me. He told me to have her look him up on facebook. We are now waiting to see if this crazy idea worked.
Anways long story short I waited and waited but the phone did not ring. Which is okay, kinda. I was just caught up in this how weight lose, blog gaining popularity and this grand idea of everything falling into place. I just thought once I was going to have a plan and it was going to happen the way it was supposed to happen. Wanting something was finally going to be enough. Man, even typing that story out I can feel how pathetic I felt in that moment.
I have had a pitty party for most of the weekend especially after I gained 2 pounds as well. Today my massage got canceled ten minutes before I was leaving to go get it and I lost the 10,000 raffle by THREE numbers.
This wasn't the weekend of dreams but hey at least I can start all over tomorrow. Good night blog world.
Saturday
Andrea, Meri, Melissa came withe me as my support team. Two other lovely ladies tried out along side of me (not sure if they want me to spread their information so there names have been left out.) It was weird trying to find a "fat" outfit/pictures. I don't know how many other people (women especially) go through the same trouble finding an outfit like I do. Its horrible everytime I have to go shopping for pants, shirts, dresses or anything I always leave feeling way worse about myself. I can't remember the last time I bought an outfit that I said "WOW I feel amazing in this" Maybe in a few more months I can go get a couple of outfits that I will get that "WOW" feeling in...
Anyways, we get to the audtions and we get moved right to the front of the line. I felt the death stares from all the other people in line but I didn't care. I was feeling confident and ready to nail this try out. We then got split into groups of 8. While we were standing in line we made friends with this one woman. She was about 280 pounds currently and had this amazing story about how she had gasteric bypass surgery, lost 200 pounds and then gained it all back after the birth of her two kids. She talked about how hard it was to loose her baby weight, shopping for clothes, how she felt about herself. She talked about how much she loved her two babies, how amazing they are and everything. I mean after our ten minute converstation I had thought to myself not only will this chick get on the show BUT she'll win.
We then got called into a room with two tables set up with a casting director at each table. I go right in and sit directly next to the casting director. Each person starts to tell their stories. First guy, overweight, 40 never been married, father died early. Second, a 20 year old kid who wants to be a photographer, works as a free lance photographer for some Boston magazine, wants his clients to take him seriously. Then it was my new found friend's turn. I was so waiting for her to sit there and wow this casting director as she had me ten minutes before in line. She starts to tell her story but pauses, shakes her head and says
"I am going to tell you why you want me on your show. I am awesome and pretty. I also have overcome so much in my life. I watched my brother at the age of 5 be killed by my mother. I then was adopted by my aunt who never wanted me or my other brother. It was so bad that when I got adopted they gave me a doll and all I did was hit the baby because thats how I thought babies should be treated."
I am pretty sure I lost the biggest loser try outs due to the face I was making at this chick. The face I was making was somewhere between shock and confusion. I couldn't believe the same woman in the hallway was telling THIS story. She had totally turned into Cybil in front of my very eyes. No way did I expect that story and from what I could tell from the casting director neither did she.
I was finally the last person to tell "my story" in a two minute span. I couldn't believe that they wanted me to tell my story in less then 2 minutes. While I was telling my story I felt confident. People laughed when they were supposed to, shock their heads in agreement. The casting director asked me questions which she hadn't really done to anyone else. I was pretty sure I nailed that interview. When I was done the casting director looked at all of us and said thank you. We'll be making phone calls tonight. If you don't hear from us by 10pm then we're sorry you aren't going to be cast but please feel free to make a home video. There have been lots of people who have been cast after they didn't make the open casting call.
I was floating by the time I got out of that interview. I knew there was no way that they wouldn't pick me. I was so over confident that I should have known right there that I was doomed. When I got out of the interview I was telling my cheerleaders about how cute one of the other guys was in our casting and how perfect he would be for Erin. The cheerleaders then convience me that I should run back and tell him about Erin, get his phone number, pass it on to Erin and they would live happily ever after. This next part I am not proud of all. I ran back up the stairs to find that he was gone. I said to Andrea that I am glad we ran to go find him and if it was meant to be, then he would have been there. Our group then took the stairs instead of the elevator to the lobby. When we got to the lobby I found the "cute guy" standing there with his sister.
Serendipity? I thought so. So I went up to him and started a converstation about his interview and then threw in the facts about my amazing single best friend that wasn't there with me. He told me to have her look him up on facebook. We are now waiting to see if this crazy idea worked.
Anways long story short I waited and waited but the phone did not ring. Which is okay, kinda. I was just caught up in this how weight lose, blog gaining popularity and this grand idea of everything falling into place. I just thought once I was going to have a plan and it was going to happen the way it was supposed to happen. Wanting something was finally going to be enough. Man, even typing that story out I can feel how pathetic I felt in that moment.
I have had a pitty party for most of the weekend especially after I gained 2 pounds as well. Today my massage got canceled ten minutes before I was leaving to go get it and I lost the 10,000 raffle by THREE numbers.
This wasn't the weekend of dreams but hey at least I can start all over tomorrow. Good night blog world.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Forgiveness...
I broke down the other day and I gave in to eating a fried clam dinner. I know I know I can hear you all gasping. "How could you do that?" I did it. I haven't been drinking as much water as I have been. I am beating myself up it before I even know my weight for this week. I wasn't going to write about it either but I felt that if I didn't than I would be lying to all of you and mostly myself.
This feeling of guilt has been "weighing" me down all week so I took a drive to clear my mind. While I was driving one of my favorite songs came on, "Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley. I don't know why but I have been obsessed with this song at different points of my life. Mostly, I played it when getting over (or trying to get over) a relationship. So when it came on this time I was able to listen to the lyrics and they hit me in a totally new way....
"Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness..."
So at this point I am going to forgive myself for eating my emotions away. I am going to forgive myself for getting so big. I am going to forgive myself for everything! When you are going through a lifestyle change its easy to celebrate the success but its even more important to forgive yourself for the moments your where your will gets weak. There are going to be many days that do that no matter how motivated you are. You are going to look at yourself and wonder why do you even bother. On those days, forgive yourself. Just because you eat crappy, drink lots on the weekend doesn't mean that your entire goals are destroyed. So you skipped a workout. Get back to it. Don't fall behind because if you allow yourself to you might not be able to pick yourself back up.
Wedding
Its been a bad week with my mother planning. Lots of tears and being upset. If anyone has any advice about dealing with parents during this planning process, I would appreciate it!
Tomorrow is the biggest loser try out so I will keep you all posted. I will take lots of pictures documenting the day!!!!
This feeling of guilt has been "weighing" me down all week so I took a drive to clear my mind. While I was driving one of my favorite songs came on, "Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley. I don't know why but I have been obsessed with this song at different points of my life. Mostly, I played it when getting over (or trying to get over) a relationship. So when it came on this time I was able to listen to the lyrics and they hit me in a totally new way....
"Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness..."
So at this point I am going to forgive myself for eating my emotions away. I am going to forgive myself for getting so big. I am going to forgive myself for everything! When you are going through a lifestyle change its easy to celebrate the success but its even more important to forgive yourself for the moments your where your will gets weak. There are going to be many days that do that no matter how motivated you are. You are going to look at yourself and wonder why do you even bother. On those days, forgive yourself. Just because you eat crappy, drink lots on the weekend doesn't mean that your entire goals are destroyed. So you skipped a workout. Get back to it. Don't fall behind because if you allow yourself to you might not be able to pick yourself back up.
Wedding
Its been a bad week with my mother planning. Lots of tears and being upset. If anyone has any advice about dealing with parents during this planning process, I would appreciate it!
Tomorrow is the biggest loser try out so I will keep you all posted. I will take lots of pictures documenting the day!!!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Cards and all the things I never knew...
Today is my dad's birthday. Each year all he wanted was a card. He didn't care about anything else but getting a card. He would say the same for father's day and Christmas. I would be like "Dad seriously what can I get you? Is there a movie that you want, a gift card to a restaurant? Anything?"
"No, just a card." I would always find this so annoying because he was a man who had everything and wanted for nothing. I would always go searching for the perfect gift to give him: something new for fishing trips, a picture in a frame, a new gangsta movie, mob books. I would be so excited to finally give him the gift that I had found that I wouldn't even watch him open the card. He would open the gift and be happy with my selection. Usually telling me that I had spent too much or I should have put that money in the bank. Each holiday it would be the same, "Get me a nice card"
After my father passed, I went to go see my stepmother, Teresa one night. I had just really missed him one night and just felt that I had to go there. We drank tea and just talked about how much we missed him. Right before I left she said that she had something for me. She walked over and handed me a shopping bag filled with cards. As I looked through the bag they were all cards that I had given him. There were some dated back to 1991. I had no idea that he had kept them. Teresa laughed and said when she was going thru them she laughed because I had gotten my dad the same Father's Day card three years in a row. I had no idea that I had done that. I must have really like the message that the card said.
The same kind of thing happened this weekend after my father's memorial mass. We were at my stepmother's house and right before we left she handed me a box. I opened up the box and there were two buttons from the daddy daughter dances with the tickets from both. He had always said that was our special date once a year. He would come pick me up, flower corsage and all. We would go to the dance and then to Brighams for Ice Cream afterwards. It was one of my favorite memories because most Dad's would stand next to the wall and let the little girls just dance with their friends. Not my father, he would steal the show and dance the night away. He would always "request" the song "Daddy's Little Girl" and tell me that was playing just for me. Looking back, of course that was played at the Daddy Daughter dance for ALL the girls but I don't care. I will keep that memory with me forever.
My father's passing has so much to do with this journey that I started as well. He lived his life to the fullest with no regrets. I had set out last year to check things off my "bucket list" in honor of his memory and I really didn't do much of that last year. The only item that I checked off was "get engaged in Disney World" and truly that wasn't my doing. So when the first of the year came along and I had told my father the year before that I was jumping in the ocean on new years day, I was determined to jump in. I even talked Geraldine into doing it with me. When New Year's morning came, I chicken out. Geraldine gave me such a hard time about NOT doing it that I said to myself ENOUGH!
I had to stop making excuses about the goals I wanted to accomplish in my life. Its easy to say "I will start Monday" and then Monday comes and goes. You have to make time to do the things that you want in life because you are going to wake up someday and realize its too late. The excuses stop now! Make your list of things that you want to do in your life and do them. Its that simple. Live your life like my father no regrets, lots of love from family/friends and do the things that make YOU happy.
Happy Birthday Dad, I miss and love you so much. xoxoxox Katherine
"No, just a card." I would always find this so annoying because he was a man who had everything and wanted for nothing. I would always go searching for the perfect gift to give him: something new for fishing trips, a picture in a frame, a new gangsta movie, mob books. I would be so excited to finally give him the gift that I had found that I wouldn't even watch him open the card. He would open the gift and be happy with my selection. Usually telling me that I had spent too much or I should have put that money in the bank. Each holiday it would be the same, "Get me a nice card"
After my father passed, I went to go see my stepmother, Teresa one night. I had just really missed him one night and just felt that I had to go there. We drank tea and just talked about how much we missed him. Right before I left she said that she had something for me. She walked over and handed me a shopping bag filled with cards. As I looked through the bag they were all cards that I had given him. There were some dated back to 1991. I had no idea that he had kept them. Teresa laughed and said when she was going thru them she laughed because I had gotten my dad the same Father's Day card three years in a row. I had no idea that I had done that. I must have really like the message that the card said.
The same kind of thing happened this weekend after my father's memorial mass. We were at my stepmother's house and right before we left she handed me a box. I opened up the box and there were two buttons from the daddy daughter dances with the tickets from both. He had always said that was our special date once a year. He would come pick me up, flower corsage and all. We would go to the dance and then to Brighams for Ice Cream afterwards. It was one of my favorite memories because most Dad's would stand next to the wall and let the little girls just dance with their friends. Not my father, he would steal the show and dance the night away. He would always "request" the song "Daddy's Little Girl" and tell me that was playing just for me. Looking back, of course that was played at the Daddy Daughter dance for ALL the girls but I don't care. I will keep that memory with me forever.
My father's passing has so much to do with this journey that I started as well. He lived his life to the fullest with no regrets. I had set out last year to check things off my "bucket list" in honor of his memory and I really didn't do much of that last year. The only item that I checked off was "get engaged in Disney World" and truly that wasn't my doing. So when the first of the year came along and I had told my father the year before that I was jumping in the ocean on new years day, I was determined to jump in. I even talked Geraldine into doing it with me. When New Year's morning came, I chicken out. Geraldine gave me such a hard time about NOT doing it that I said to myself ENOUGH!
I had to stop making excuses about the goals I wanted to accomplish in my life. Its easy to say "I will start Monday" and then Monday comes and goes. You have to make time to do the things that you want in life because you are going to wake up someday and realize its too late. The excuses stop now! Make your list of things that you want to do in your life and do them. Its that simple. Live your life like my father no regrets, lots of love from family/friends and do the things that make YOU happy.
Happy Birthday Dad, I miss and love you so much. xoxoxox Katherine
Sunday, February 13, 2011
"I don't mean to be morbid..."
I love my mother. I really do. However, there are things that come out of her mouth that I just wish she would think about before the words leave her mouth. Just take a second, think it over than speak. I don't know if anyone else has a mother like this but I do. I feel like I was the only kid that had to go in to school the next day after teacher conferences and apologize for my mother's behavior just so I could smooth things over. Ms. Briggs (one of my favorite teachers of all time) used to ask if my mother was coming in so she could mentally prepare for their conference. There are so many "Nancyism" that I could make a whole website based on the things that leave her mouth. "Shit that Nancy says" I think would have worked so much more "Shit my dad says"
Things brings me to our tasting. We had a tasting at Affairs Catering (25 years of service based out of Rowley Country Club) this evening. After countless emails between Mitch and I, I ask my mother if she has any questions about the company. Now earlier this week I made sure to send her the fake contract w/ prices, menus, FAQ sheet from the company. I felt strongly that I had done my work to impress her with who detailed I was. She didn't even bat and I when she took out her sheet of paper with 20 questions on it. I was okay with her asking questions until she broke out the mother of all questions...
"Well Mitch I don't mean to be morbid or anything but what happens if something were to happen to you?" I met Meri's eyes across the table and I had to look away. So I turned to Kevin for a glimmer of hope that she really didn't say that and his stuck open. I immediately look at Mitch who is in his 60's with a face that I hoped said "please forgive her." I tried to be smooth and jump in so Mitch wouldn't have to feel like talking about his own death. "I think what my mother is trying to say if something happened with the company or you would we loose money?" Mitch laughed off the situation and moved on, thankfully. But I was still in shock that she went as far as to ask if the guy kicks the bucket would we loose everything.
Overall, great tasting. Bad questions.
*SIDE NOTE*
Long story short (too late) the food was really fantastic and I liked the guy. He did talk for a very VERY Long time and were there for almost three hours! He knew what he was talking about and listened very closely to what I hadasked him to prepare. He seems the most reasonable priced one so far. If his company ended up being our catering company, I would not be sad about it.
Now lets see what kind of numbers he call pull off
*If you have a story about your mother and your wedding please, forward them along to me.
Overall, great tasting. Bad questions.
Things brings me to our tasting. We had a tasting at Affairs Catering (25 years of service based out of Rowley Country Club) this evening. After countless emails between Mitch and I, I ask my mother if she has any questions about the company. Now earlier this week I made sure to send her the fake contract w/ prices, menus, FAQ sheet from the company. I felt strongly that I had done my work to impress her with who detailed I was. She didn't even bat and I when she took out her sheet of paper with 20 questions on it. I was okay with her asking questions until she broke out the mother of all questions...
"Well Mitch I don't mean to be morbid or anything but what happens if something were to happen to you?" I met Meri's eyes across the table and I had to look away. So I turned to Kevin for a glimmer of hope that she really didn't say that and his stuck open. I immediately look at Mitch who is in his 60's with a face that I hoped said "please forgive her." I tried to be smooth and jump in so Mitch wouldn't have to feel like talking about his own death. "I think what my mother is trying to say if something happened with the company or you would we loose money?" Mitch laughed off the situation and moved on, thankfully. But I was still in shock that she went as far as to ask if the guy kicks the bucket would we loose everything.
Overall, great tasting. Bad questions.
*SIDE NOTE*
Long story short (too late) the food was really fantastic and I liked the guy. He did talk for a very VERY Long time and were there for almost three hours! He knew what he was talking about and listened very closely to what I hadasked him to prepare. He seems the most reasonable priced one so far. If his company ended up being our catering company, I would not be sad about it.
Now lets see what kind of numbers he call pull off
*If you have a story about your mother and your wedding please, forward them along to me.
Overall, great tasting. Bad questions.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Cupcake Gate
I am still overwhelmed with all the support that you all are showing me. Its crazy that everyone finds me to be inspiring at all when I have only been at this for a month.
With all this positive support from everyone I feel like I need to get something off my chest in order to keep the flow of good karma coming my way. I hope that you all don't change your minds about following my journey. Just know that I am a good person deep inside.
Sooooo I am a sore loser. I hate loosing. When I am competing against someone else I will do whatever I can to beat them. So when Kevin wasn't trying to loose weight I was rubbing it in his face that I was going to be a skinnier than him. I was dancing around the house and doing my victory dance (which isn't cute at all by the way) This cocky attitude came in week one where I lost 8 pounds. Kevin then weighed himself and he lost 10 pounds! 1O pounds? How could that be, I was the one sitting in front of the xbox sweating and killing myself. I was the one that gave up all the crappy foods, how could he loose 10 pounds and I only lost 8?
I was mad and got very discouraged instead of being happy that he had lost so much with little effort.
This is the part of the story that I am not proud of at all. During week 2, I took my frustration out by stirring up cake mix and pouring into my new Christmas present: The Big Top Cupcake Maker. You know the huge cupcake you see on late night TV that look so amazing and so yummy that you get your credit card and order it? Well, I made a huge chocolate peanut butter cupcake. I put the rest of the regular peanut butter into the cake mix and the frosting. I put regular eggs, instead of eggs whites. I then took the the last of the peanut butter cups in the freezer and added it to the top of the cupcake. I then served it to Kevin with a big glass of whole milk. I know I am a horrible bride. I have felt horrible since I did that and had to get it out. I feel better.
Whether its a friend or family member or neighbor or that random lady next to you on the treadmill...you have to take encouragement and GIVE encouragement in return. I feel like for every person that has told me I have inspired them, I need to turn around and encourage someone right back. So in return I have retired the Big Top cupcake maker and promised to love my future husband a little bit more. Even if he turns out to be the Bigger Loser.
oh and yes Cheese Fries....(just for you my dear)
With all this positive support from everyone I feel like I need to get something off my chest in order to keep the flow of good karma coming my way. I hope that you all don't change your minds about following my journey. Just know that I am a good person deep inside.
Sooooo I am a sore loser. I hate loosing. When I am competing against someone else I will do whatever I can to beat them. So when Kevin wasn't trying to loose weight I was rubbing it in his face that I was going to be a skinnier than him. I was dancing around the house and doing my victory dance (which isn't cute at all by the way) This cocky attitude came in week one where I lost 8 pounds. Kevin then weighed himself and he lost 10 pounds! 1O pounds? How could that be, I was the one sitting in front of the xbox sweating and killing myself. I was the one that gave up all the crappy foods, how could he loose 10 pounds and I only lost 8?
I was mad and got very discouraged instead of being happy that he had lost so much with little effort.
This is the part of the story that I am not proud of at all. During week 2, I took my frustration out by stirring up cake mix and pouring into my new Christmas present: The Big Top Cupcake Maker. You know the huge cupcake you see on late night TV that look so amazing and so yummy that you get your credit card and order it? Well, I made a huge chocolate peanut butter cupcake. I put the rest of the regular peanut butter into the cake mix and the frosting. I put regular eggs, instead of eggs whites. I then took the the last of the peanut butter cups in the freezer and added it to the top of the cupcake. I then served it to Kevin with a big glass of whole milk. I know I am a horrible bride. I have felt horrible since I did that and had to get it out. I feel better.
Whether its a friend or family member or neighbor or that random lady next to you on the treadmill...you have to take encouragement and GIVE encouragement in return. I feel like for every person that has told me I have inspired them, I need to turn around and encourage someone right back. So in return I have retired the Big Top cupcake maker and promised to love my future husband a little bit more. Even if he turns out to be the Bigger Loser.
oh and yes Cheese Fries....(just for you my dear)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
New Blogger to BIGGEST LOSER
I can't believe how crazy the last 72 hours of my life has been since I started this blog. I can't believe how many people have gone out of their way to support me, message me and take time out of their lives to encourage me.
The most crazy message I got was at 11:30pm last night from Julie Costa. At first I was so taken back because if you dont' know her Julie is a personal trainer and very VERY into doing fitness shows. Julie was writing to me to tell me how inspired she was by ME. I was like are you kidding Julie it clearly should be the other way around. The next part of her email has now sent me into what my friends nicely say that someone has pushed my "sped button"
" I know the casting director for the Biggest Loser, just talked to her tonight. They are coming to Boston on Sat 2/19 10am-6pm at the Seaport Hotel in Boston for an open casting call for Season 12. If I could get you a VIP Pass to go to the casting, would you be interested? You can go as an individual or bring someone else with you to also go on the show. I just know you love the show and their workouts, so why not audition for the actual real show?! She wants me to spread the word around but if I personally knew of anyone I could get them in with a VIP Pass. Let me know your thoughts on that."
So now on Saturday February 19th, yours truly is going to try out for the Biggest Loser Season 12. See what can happen when you put your goals out there. You have to build your own community of support in anyway possible. My community is growing more and more and now I have a chance of a lifetime!
Keep reading, keep posting comments and start your own journey!
The most crazy message I got was at 11:30pm last night from Julie Costa. At first I was so taken back because if you dont' know her Julie is a personal trainer and very VERY into doing fitness shows. Julie was writing to me to tell me how inspired she was by ME. I was like are you kidding Julie it clearly should be the other way around. The next part of her email has now sent me into what my friends nicely say that someone has pushed my "sped button"
" I know the casting director for the Biggest Loser, just talked to her tonight. They are coming to Boston on Sat 2/19 10am-6pm at the Seaport Hotel in Boston for an open casting call for Season 12. If I could get you a VIP Pass to go to the casting, would you be interested? You can go as an individual or bring someone else with you to also go on the show. I just know you love the show and their workouts, so why not audition for the actual real show?! She wants me to spread the word around but if I personally knew of anyone I could get them in with a VIP Pass. Let me know your thoughts on that."
So now on Saturday February 19th, yours truly is going to try out for the Biggest Loser Season 12. See what can happen when you put your goals out there. You have to build your own community of support in anyway possible. My community is growing more and more and now I have a chance of a lifetime!
Keep reading, keep posting comments and start your own journey!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Start...
I am getting married to Kevin O'Neil on October 14, 2012. According to the countdown on theknot.com its only 614 days away. I also have 403 uncompleted tasks on my "TO DO" list as well. It seems like there is so much to do from now until then book the church, find the photographer, find the perfect last dance, choose a caterer, find amazing gifts for the bridal party, flowers, suits for the guys, get our wedding bands, etc. I check things off my list daily both on theknot as well as in my lovely planner that Courtney got me as an engagement gift. But the one thing that I can't find on all these "lists" is the biggest thing, in my mind, I have to do get done. I have to become a skinny bride.
I don't remember the exact age I was when I started to become a plus size woman. I mean I was always taller than the boys I went to elementary school and way more developed then the girls but I wasn't "plus size" High school I was a curvy size 14 with most of my weight being in my chest. Everyone had comments for my body. I was called "black eyes" by my teammates, Double D by friends. My breasts became a huge part (no pun intended) of who I was. I wasn't just Deanna, I was the girl with the big boobs. Prom dress shopping was a nightmare. I even had a dress break at a dance because my breasts were so large. Everyone told me I wasn't big, it was my breasts.
College was the same story but this time it wasn't just my breasts that grew. I started to gain the freshmen 15 each year I was in college. I went from being able to run 3 miles daily with my soccer team to almost missing my senior year of soccer due to stress fracture in my shin. Most likely due to lack of excerise and my weight. I remember going home during winter break one year and saying "Oh if I lost 15 pounds I would be okay. 215 isn't bad. I can loose 15 pounds and be fine" That never happened.
The weight kept coming and I convienced myself that if I got a breast reduction that my body would be just like it once was. After my surgery it seems like my body did the exact opposite. I guess I never put two and two together that it was my lifestyle that had to change and not the size of my breasts. My father even said that if I lost 50 pounds he would give me $500. Even that couldn't motivate me. I was buying clothes that were the same size as they were before my surgery mostly cause it fit my stomach and not my breast.
I felt lucky that Kevin could see past my weight/body and see my inner beauty. It has always been something in the back of my head wondering if Kevin would love me more if I lost the weight? Silly really. He loves me just the way I am and I love him for that. He has never made me feel bad about my size once. I can see in his eyes that the woman he sees in front of him is the one he wants to be with whether or not she is big. I am one lucky girl.
It was New Years day when I finally stepped on that scale at Alli and Keith's house when I stepped on that scale and looked down and saw 282 pounds. I was 18 pounds way from 300. The site literally took my breathe away. I wanted to scream, break the mirror. I didn't want to look at myself. I hated myself for allowing food, calories to take over my life like it had. I never want to look at myself and hate myself the way I did that day, especially on my wedding day.
So the very next day I started the newest chapter in my life. I am on the path to become a skinny bride. It hasn't been easy but since I started eating healthy, drinking tons of water, doing the biggest loser workouts and now have added training for a 5K on to the list of things I am doing, I have lost a total of 23 pounds. I am down to 258 pounds. I haven't seen that weight in such a long time. I can't wait to get down to the 240's and then the 230's and beyond.
I hope that the only thing in my head when I walk down the aisle is marrying the man waiting for me at the end. I don't want to look back and try to hide behind people while I am taking pictures or pray the camera got "my good side"
On October 14, 2012, I will be that skinny bride!
I don't remember the exact age I was when I started to become a plus size woman. I mean I was always taller than the boys I went to elementary school and way more developed then the girls but I wasn't "plus size" High school I was a curvy size 14 with most of my weight being in my chest. Everyone had comments for my body. I was called "black eyes" by my teammates, Double D by friends. My breasts became a huge part (no pun intended) of who I was. I wasn't just Deanna, I was the girl with the big boobs. Prom dress shopping was a nightmare. I even had a dress break at a dance because my breasts were so large. Everyone told me I wasn't big, it was my breasts.
College was the same story but this time it wasn't just my breasts that grew. I started to gain the freshmen 15 each year I was in college. I went from being able to run 3 miles daily with my soccer team to almost missing my senior year of soccer due to stress fracture in my shin. Most likely due to lack of excerise and my weight. I remember going home during winter break one year and saying "Oh if I lost 15 pounds I would be okay. 215 isn't bad. I can loose 15 pounds and be fine" That never happened.
The weight kept coming and I convienced myself that if I got a breast reduction that my body would be just like it once was. After my surgery it seems like my body did the exact opposite. I guess I never put two and two together that it was my lifestyle that had to change and not the size of my breasts. My father even said that if I lost 50 pounds he would give me $500. Even that couldn't motivate me. I was buying clothes that were the same size as they were before my surgery mostly cause it fit my stomach and not my breast.
I felt lucky that Kevin could see past my weight/body and see my inner beauty. It has always been something in the back of my head wondering if Kevin would love me more if I lost the weight? Silly really. He loves me just the way I am and I love him for that. He has never made me feel bad about my size once. I can see in his eyes that the woman he sees in front of him is the one he wants to be with whether or not she is big. I am one lucky girl.
It was New Years day when I finally stepped on that scale at Alli and Keith's house when I stepped on that scale and looked down and saw 282 pounds. I was 18 pounds way from 300. The site literally took my breathe away. I wanted to scream, break the mirror. I didn't want to look at myself. I hated myself for allowing food, calories to take over my life like it had. I never want to look at myself and hate myself the way I did that day, especially on my wedding day.
So the very next day I started the newest chapter in my life. I am on the path to become a skinny bride. It hasn't been easy but since I started eating healthy, drinking tons of water, doing the biggest loser workouts and now have added training for a 5K on to the list of things I am doing, I have lost a total of 23 pounds. I am down to 258 pounds. I haven't seen that weight in such a long time. I can't wait to get down to the 240's and then the 230's and beyond.
I hope that the only thing in my head when I walk down the aisle is marrying the man waiting for me at the end. I don't want to look back and try to hide behind people while I am taking pictures or pray the camera got "my good side"
On October 14, 2012, I will be that skinny bride!
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