There's gotta be something more...

"Where have you been?"

"Whats going on with the Blog?"

"How is your journey going?"

"Have you gotten your dress?"

Let me catch you up to speed on whats been going on in my life since I last wrote...

For starters my exercise has gone down dramatically since I changed my schedule back to working nights.  You would think I would be able to get rolling in the morning and start my day off with a good workout.  It doesn't happen at all. Lately, I have been waking up out of my bed and moving myself right to my couch.  I stay on the couch till the very last minute I have to get ready for work and then I rush myself to get to work at 11am or 1pm.  Its kinda pathetic that I tell myself I can't find time to exercise when I have all morning to do it.  I'm angry at myself for being so lazy. 

I have started drinking soda again. I find myself really tired so I grab a coke zero and throw it back to get some caffeine in me.  I remember how hard it was to kick the soda habit back when I started this journey and now I am back to my one coke in the afternoon habit.  Its gross.  I can feel the way it affects my body.  I am not drinking enough water and my body is screaming at me about it.  I woke up the other night with one of those leg cramps you get when you are dehydrated.   I am sure when I say one of "THOSE" leg cramps someone out there knows what I am talking about.  It feels like my muscle is tearing away from the bone and my leg is going to burst from the spasm.  I can still feel 3 days later.  Ouch!

At home I am sure most of you read that Kevin's dad died.  We've been doing alot of running around so planning meals has been thrown out the window.  Many fast food trips to get something quick.  I can't even blame Kevin cause he isn't eating much. He isn't talking much. He's doing alot of putting on a strong face in front of everyone else and a lot of hurting at home.  People who know me know that I wear everything on my sleeve so when my partner in life handles things the complete opposite it leaves me feeling like I should be doing so much more...I didn't go on my trip to California because of the services and wanting to be there for my in-laws.  There was no question in my head of where I should have been.  Some people have asked me why I didn't at least go for the last part of the week or still go at all? I couldn't believe it when people even suggested it.  Kevin was a rock when my dad passed and even though he doesn't "need" me, I had to be there in case he did. 

So now I am left feeling like I need something more.  More exercise, more water, more dedication, more time for myself, more determination, more ANYTHING.

Anyone know where I can find it?

“The only real failure in life is the failure to try.”